Let’s talk about friends and influence. I recently read an older article about two pendulum clocks that started ticking at different times but eventually synchronized because they were attached to the same base. That picture stuck with me. It makes me wonder: if clocks can sync up just by being connected, what happens to us when we spend time with others? Let’s explore together what science and Scripture say about the power of influence, relationships, and the people we spend time with.

Both neuroscience and Scripture show that our relationships and surroundings shape who we become. The people we spend time with and the habits we develop quietly influence our thoughts and the direction of our lives.

Synchronizing Clocks

In the 1600s, Christiaan Huygens noticed that when two pendulum clocks were placed on the same support, they eventually began to swing in sync. The clocks never touched, but small movements through the shared base made their rhythms match. Scientists later called this synchronization "coupling," meaning separate things line up because they share the same environment (Willms et al., 2017; Bennett et al., 2002).

We see a truth that Scripture has long taught.

The habits and routines we keep close to us slowly shape how we think and feel. What we focus on and spend time with often becomes part of who we are.

But we aren’t clocks. We have souls, we make choices, we hold convictions, and for those who follow Christ, we are guided by the Spirit. Still, the example is helpful: what we stay close to shapes what feels normal, what seems right, and what we believe over time.

This is one reason the Bible takes relationships seriously. Scripture sees community as something that influences us, not something to take lightly. “Bad company corrupts good morals” (1 Corinthians 15:33).

“Whoever walks with the wise becomes wise, but the companion of fools will suffer harm” (Proverbs 13:20).

Psalm 1 shows how this slow shaping happens. The blessed person doesn’t walk with the wicked, stand with sinners, or sit with those who mock. There’s a pattern: walking leads to standing, and standing leads to sitting. Being around something makes it feel familiar, which can lead to agreement, and over time, that forms who we are.

Today, science continues to confirm truths that Scripture has long shown us.

The Neuroscience and Psychological Consequences of Friends and Influence

In social neuroscience, researchers examine how people align in movement, emotion, bodily responses, and, sometimes, brain activity during interactions. Using a method called hyperscanning, which measures brain activity from two or more people at once, scientists can now see how connections affect the nervous system in real time (Czeszumski et al., 2020).

Psychological studies show something similar through mimicry, in which we automatically copy another person’s posture, tone, gestures, or expressions.

In the classic “chameleon effect” study, researchers found that people often unconsciously mirror those they interact with (Chartrand & Bargh, 1999). Later studies showed that mimicry can help people feel closer and more connected. We often start imitating the people around us before we even notice (Duffy & Chartrand, 2015).

Mirroring is a subtle reflection of someone’s overall mood, energy, or body language. It is less about copying exact movements and more about naturally emulating the interaction’s general tone. For example, if someone is calm, speaking softly, and leaning back, you may also become calmer and more relaxed without realizing it. Mirroring often helps people feel comfortable, understood, and connected.

Mimicry is the more direct copying of specific behaviors. It can involve repeating a gesture, matching their tone of voice, crossing your arms after they cross theirs, or picking up certain phrases they use. Mimicry is usually quick and behavior-specific. When it happens naturally, it can build rapport. If it is too obvious, however, it may feel awkward, mocking, or forced.

In simple terms, mirroring corresponds to the vibe, and mimicry copies the action.

This doesn’t mean every relationship changes us instantly or that everyone will change when around someone else’s influence. However, we are made to learn in community. We watch, absorb, and adjust, often without noticing. Emotions such as fear, peace, anxiety, and calm can spread through groups. One steady person can help anchor others. Over time, our environment can make either cynicism or wisdom feel normal, depending on what we allow to shape us.

In a classic study, Chartrand and Bargh (1999) found that people often unconsciously mimic the behaviors of those around them. When someone in the room rubbed their face or shook their foot, participants were more likely to do the same. They were not instructed to copy anyone, and most were unaware it was happening. Yet their bodies were quietly imitating the person in front of them. Researchers found that participants were about 20% more likely to mimic face-touching and 50% more likely to mimic foot-shaking than controls.

This is important because it shows how connection influences us, often without our noticing. Influence usually doesn’t come from direct teaching or obvious pressure. More often, it builds up slowly through things like body language, tone, habits, and the mood around us. We often mirror the people and environment near us before we even realize it.

Neuroscience gives us another level of understanding through the study of mirror neurons (brain cells involved in action-observation matching). In the early 1990s, Giacomo Rizzolatti and colleagues observed that certain neurons in macaque monkeys fired not only when the monkey performed an action, such as grasping food, but also when it watched another individual perform the same action. In simple terms, the brain responded to watching an action as if it were doing the action itself.

Researchers later found that the mirror neuron system includes brain regions that help us plan movement and connect what we sense to how we move. This system helps us imitate, learn, understand others’ intentions, and feel empathy. When you see someone smile, wince, yawn, or tense up, your brain partly copies what you see. Some call this embodied simulation, in which your brain models another person’s state within you.

This also helps explain emotional contagion, the process by which emotions spread within a group. One person’s anxiety can make a whole room tense, while one person’s calm can help others relax. Joy and irritability can spread too. We don’t just share words; we also share signals through posture, facial expressions, tone, and even how our bodies react.

This doesn’t mean we copy everything around us without thinking. We can make choices, and boundaries are important. Still, spending a lot of time with certain people or habits can make some attitudes and reactions feel more normal.

Subscribe now

The Influences Matter

Scientific research keeps confirming what Scripture has long warned: the people we spend time with frequently shape the behaviors that become normal to us.

Scripture has long warned us to be wise about influence: “Bad company corrupts good morals” (1 Corinthians 15:33). It also calls us toward healthy formation: “Whoever walks with the wise becomes wise” (Proverbs 13:20). Science is helping describe mechanisms that Scripture already recognized: we are shaped in relationship.

This is why we need to talk about social influence carefully. A well-known study in The New England Journal of Medicine found that obesity often clusters in social groups, with close friends sharing similar patterns of weight gain over time (Christakis & Fowler, 2007). This doesn’t mean we should shame anyone or make quick judgments, since weight is affected by many things like genetics, hormones, environment, trauma, and access.

The main point is that habits often spread through relationships. Our behavior is regularly directed by those around us, giving language to something many of us have experienced without realizing it.

We see the same thing in education. Students’ motivation, effort, and involvement are regularly shaped by the friends and peers they look up to. Over time, students usually rise or fall to the level of those around them.

Another example is that of alcohol use. Studies show that peer drinking is a strong predictor of personal drinking, especially for teenagers and young adults. Influence happens through modeling, changing social norms, and continual exposure. What is practiced around us can, over time, become ordinary to us.

We also see the shadow side of influence. Research in criminology demonstrates that proximity to delinquent peers increases the likelihood of hazardous behaviors, especially in adolescence, when the longing for belonging is acute. People often act more boldly in groups than in solitude. Scripture’s cautions about companionship remain wise and timely.

These are just a few examples; the list could go on for days of how influences impact behavior.

The people we spend time with, in most cases, are actively shaping our lives. The voices we listen to and the places we go all shape us. They can lead us toward patience or impatience, faith or fear, wisdom or compromise, and peace or unrest.

While We Don’t Walk With The Unwise, We Are Called To Love Them

This does not call us to withdraw from those who are hurting or struggling. Jesus Himself moved toward the broken, the sick, the sinful, the rejected, and the overlooked. Yet he was not formed by the crowd; that distinction is key.

We are called to love others without taking in every influence, to serve while keeping our judgment, and to show compassion while remembering how quietly we can be formed by those around us.

That is why Scripture says, “Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it” (Proverbs 4:23).

Influencers In The Bible

We see the danger of foolish influence in Rehoboam’s life. When he became king after Solomon, the older counselors advised him to serve the people and speak kindly to them. But Rehoboam rejected their counsel and listened instead to the young men he had grown up with. Their advice was harsh, proud, and foolish. As a result, the kingdom was divided (1 Kings 12).

That story is sobering because Rehoboam did ask for advice. The problem was not that he ignored all counsel, but that he chose to listen to voices that encouraged pride instead of wisdom. This led to division.

But Scripture also shows us the beauty of godly proximity.

When Elijah was nearing the end of his earthly ministry, Elisha refused to leave him. Again and again, Elijah told him to stay behind, and Elisha answered, “As the Lord lives, and as you yourself live, I will not leave you” (2 Kings 2:2). Elisha followed him from Gilgal to Bethel, from Bethel to Jericho, and from Jericho to the Jordan. He stayed close when others waited at a distance.

When Elijah asked what Elisha wanted, Elisha asked for a double portion of his spirit. He didn’t want to copy Elijah’s personality or turn him into a hero. He wanted a spiritual inheritance, a sense of calling, and readiness for what God had for him. After Elijah was taken up, Elisha picked up his mantle and continued the work.

Elisha was shaped by being close to Elijah, but it was a godly closeness. He stayed near someone who pointed him toward God’s work.

This is another reason why the Christian community matters so much. Hebrews tells us not to neglect meeting together, but to encourage one another and stir one another up toward love and virtuous works (Hebrews 10:24–25). Ecclesiastes says two are better than one because if one falls, the other can help lift him up (Ecclesiastes 4:9–10). Proverbs says iron sharpens iron (Proverbs 27:17). Galatians tells us to bear one another’s burdens (Galatians 6:2).

God made us for relationships, but He also calls us to be wise about the ties we choose.

How Compromise Creeps In

Lot’s story shows how compromise can happen slowly. In Genesis 13, he chose the rich land near Sodom because it looked good. Scripture says he pitched his tent toward Sodom. At first, he wasn’t in the city, merely facing it. But what we keep looking at can start to draw us in. What we see often becomes familiar, and what’s familiar is easier to accept. By Genesis 19, Lot isn’t just near Sodom; he’s living inside its gates, a place of influence. What started as closeness turned into involvement.

This is often how sin works in our lives. We rarely plan to get caught up in compromise. Instead, we slowly turn toward it and get used to things that once bothered us. We stay near places, habits, or people that slowly dull our awareness. Over time, what formerly seemed dangerous can start to feel normal. This drift is usually slow, subtle, and easy to overlook.

The situation gets worse when the men of Sodom surround Lot’s house and demand his guests. By now, Lot is trying to do what “he thinks is right” in a place where he’s already gotten too close (obviously, what he told them to do- take his daughters instead is wicked and diabolical).

There’s a warning here for us. Actually, I must add that there are many warnings to learn from this story, but for our work here, we will focus on how pitching his tent toward Sodom led him to live there.

We don’t have to wait until we’re trapped by what we once just tolerated. Wisdom asks: What am I facing? ” What am I moving toward? What am I letting become normal? The answer isn’t fear, but drawing close to God. Turn your life toward the Lord, not towards what quietly pulls your heart away.

We Are Not Without Help

The Holy Spirit is always with us, even when we are around people who do not know God. Sometimes we cannot leave or move away, and we may be surrounded by family or even a spouse who does not share our faith (I am not talking about situations of abuse. God does not want us to stay where we are being abused).

But, even if we are “in these places and can’t leave right now or can’t change who we are around,” God still leads, guides, convicts, comforts, and gives wisdom. He can gently warn your heart, redirect your steps, bring Scripture to mind, and help you discern what is healthy and what is not. John says He will guide us into all truth (John 16:13), and Isaiah says, “This is the way, walk in it” (Isaiah 30:21).

We are called to be in the world but not of it (John 17:14–16). That means we do not have to absorb the values, habits, or darkness around us. We are called to be light in dark places (Matthew 5:14–16), to love people well, pray for them, share the gospel, and point them to Christ. But while we love others, we fix our gaze on the Lord and let His Word be our compass.

Our call is to stay in alignment with the Holy Spirit, stay close to God, and listen for the Holy Spirit’s leading. We do this by reading our Bible, praying, meditating on God’s Word, and worshipping God. We are to flee what pulls us into sin. God calls us to walk in wisdom. The Bible says that God gives it freely when we ask (James 1:5). Let the Bible be your guide, Christ be your example, and the Holy Spirit be the One who steadies your steps.

A Good Friend Is A Gift

A faithful friend can help you recall the truth when your thoughts are clouded. A wise companion can bring Scripture to mind when emotion threatens to eclipse faith. Godly community can sustain you when you are weary. Often, God’s strength comes to us through the presence of others.

A Godly friend more than celebrates you—they help shape you. Proverbs says, “Iron sharpens iron, and one man sharpens another” (Proverbs 27:17). Real friendship is not built on flattery, but on growth. A good friend will encourage you, correct you when you are drifting, pray for you when you are weak, and remind you of the truth when your emotions are loud.

Scripture says, “Faithful are the wounds of a friend” (Proverbs 27:6), meaning loving correction may sting in the moment, but it can protect and heal in the long run. Ecclesiastes teaches, “Two are better than one… if they fall, one will lift up his fellow” (Ecclesiastes 4:9–10). A true friend helps lift you when life knocks you down.

Galatians tells us to “bear one another’s burdens” (Galatians 6:2), and Hebrews says to encourage one another daily (Hebrews 3:13). Godly friendship is more than companionship—it is strength, accountability, comfort, and help on the road of faith.

Ask yourself: Do the people around me sharpen me, soften my conviction, or pull me away from who God is calling me to be?

The Friend Who Sticks Closer Than A Brother

If you feel lonely or wish for deeper friendship, you are not forgotten. Sometimes the first step is to become the kind of friend you hope to find. Look for community, serve others, and let yourself be known, little by little, with wisdom.

If you’re homebound, isolated, grieving, or in a season where community is hard to find, know that the Lord sees you. People may have limits, but God does not. Proverbs says there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother (Proverbs 18:24). Bring your loneliness to Him. Ask Him for community, for wisdom, and for help to see where connection is possible, even if it looks different right now.

The truth is, we are all formed by something.

The real question isn’t whether we’re being shaped, but by what: wisdom or foolishness, fear or faith, noise or truth, compromise or obedience, the crowd or Christ.

This is why God’s Word should be more than just an occasional encouragement. It’s meant to be the main voice forming our minds. Psalm 1 says the blessed person delights in God’s law and thinks about it day and night. This isn’t casual, but intentional. What we hear often becomes familiar, and repeated truth renews our minds. Clocks synced up because they shared the same support.

We must ask ourselves: To what are we connected?

What supports our typical routines? Which voices shape how we respond? What places affect our sense of safety or stress? Which relationships shape what we want? What are we letting feel normal? Let’s look for people who help us grow, correct us with love, build up our faith, and point us to Christ. Most of all, let’s stay close to the Lord.

The greatest change doesn’t just come from a better company, but from staying close to Christ.

Staying close to Christ is what renews our minds and forms our souls. His presence is what we were made for. That’s why we need to stay rooted in God’s ways: reading His Word, praying, thinking about truth, meeting with other believers, building good friendships, and serving faithfully. Spiritual strength doesn’t happen by accident. We are shaped by what we stay connected to.

Scripture says, “You keep him in perfect peace whose mind is stayed on you, because he trusts in you” (Isaiah 26:3). Peace is not found by fixing our minds on the noise of the world, but by fixing our minds on God. His Word also calls us to live set apart: “As obedient children, do not be conformed to the passions of your former ignorance... be holy in all your conduct” (1 Peter 1:14–15). “Whoever knows the right thing to do and fails to do it, for him it is sin” (James 4:17).

That is why the Bible repeatedly tells us to flee what pulls us away from God. “Flee from sexual immorality” (1 Corinthians 6:18). “Flee youthful passions and pursue righteousness, faith, love, and peace, along with those who call on the Lord from a pure heart” (2 Timothy 2:22). Notice the pattern: we do not only run from darkness, we run toward righteousness and toward people who also seek the Lord.

Scripture also warns, “Do not be unequally yoked with unbelievers” (2 Corinthians 6:14). This acts as a call to wisdom in our closest bonds and partnerships. It is not a command to abandon people or treat them with pride. If someone is already married to an unbelieving spouse, Scripture offers different guidance: remain faithful, live godly, love well, and pray that they may be won by your conduct and witness (1 Corinthians 7:1–16; 1 Peter 3:1–2).

We are called to love and pray for others, entrusting judgment to God. We are not required to stay in every environment or take in every influence, nor are we required to tie ourselves to what draws us away from Christ. Jesus loved sinners deeply, yet He remained holy in a world marked by sin. He showed compassion without compromise. His life is our model.

Stay close to what builds your faith. Spend time with people who help you grow. Keep your mind on Christ. Meet with other believers, serve faithfully, read Scripture, pray often, and think about what is true. The company you keep shapes who you become.

Prayer

Dear Heavenly Father,

Thank You for the way You created us for relationship, connection, and community. Thank You that You did not leave us to be formed by the world without wisdom, but You gave us Your Word, Your Spirit, and the body of Christ. Thank You for being our friend, who sticks closer than even the most wonderful brother.

Lord, give us discernment in our relationships. Help us recognize what influences us, what we absorb, and what we have allowed to feel normal. Surround us with people who sharpen us, strengthen us, correct us in love, and point us back to You.

Make us that kind of person for others. Help us speak truth with love, carry one another’s burdens, encourage one another, and walk in wisdom.

For those who feel lonely or unseen, remind them that You are near. Open doors for godly community, and give them courage to take the next faithful step.

Renew our minds, guard our hearts, and align our lives with what is true.

In Jesus’ name,
Amen.

Coming Soon:
A 28-Day Psalms Guide to Biblical Meditation, Neuroscience, and Renewing Your Mind
🎙️ The Christian Mind Reset Podcast launching soon.

Before you go, I’m excited to share a special update with you. My upcoming eBook, A 28-Day Psalms Guide to Biblical Meditation, Neuroscience, and Renewing Your Mind, will be released soon as Volume 1. This downloadable PDF was created to help guide you through Scripture-based meditation, renewal of the mind, and practical encouragement rooted in both faith and wisdom. We’ll be sending out updates and release details as soon as they become available, and how and where you can purchase it.

We are also preparing to launch the podcast The Christian Mind Reset in the next few weeks (God willing). I truly hope you’ll join us as we continue these conversations on healing, science, truth, Scripture, and renewing and rewiring the mind together. Please keep an eye out for future updates and links for both the eBook and podcast launch.

Love and Light,

Dr. April Joy

Philippians 1:6

Coming Soon:
📘 A 28-Day Psalms Guide to Biblical Meditation, Neuroscience, and Renewing Your Mind
🎙️ The Christian Mind Reset Podcast launching soon.

***Important Note: This message is not referring to abusive relationships. God does not desire for anyone to remain in situations of abuse, violence, coercion, intimidation, or danger. If you are being abused, feel unsafe, or know someone who is, seek help immediately through local law enforcement, emergency services, a domestic violence hotline, trusted family members, or licensed professionals in your area. If there is immediate danger, call 911 (US) or contact the appropriate authorities in your area right away. ***

Disclaimer: This letter is for informational purposes only. It contains general information, drawn from my experience, research, and best practices. It is not health care advice, and is not intended to replace the counsel of your health care provider. Consult your provider before starting any new treatments or making changes to your health routine. This message does not constitute a provider-patient relationship between us.

If you are experiencing significant anxiety, distress, or need support, please seek care from a qualified healthcare professional. You may also consider reaching out to a licensed Christian counselor or pastor for additional support.

Emails, portal messages, text messages, and other communications are not monitored and will not receive a response in an emergency or crisis, or regarding medical or therapy advice. These methods should never be used for medical advice, therapy, urgent, crisis, emergent, or time-sensitive concerns. If you are experiencing a medical or psychiatric emergency, are in crisis, having thoughts of harming yourself or others, or feel unsafe, call 911 (US), or contact your local emergency services, or go to the nearest emergency room or hospital immediately.

References

Bennett, M. R., Schatz, M. F., Rockwood, H., & Wiesenfeld, K. (2002). Huygens’s clocks. Proceedings of the Royal Society A, 458(2019), 563–579. https://doi.org/10.1098/rspa.2001.0888

Chartrand, T. L., & Bargh, J. A. (1999). The chameleon effect: The perception-behavior link and social interaction. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 76(6), 893–910. https://doi.org/10.1037/0022-3514.76.6.893

Christakis, N. A., & Fowler, J. H. (2007). The spread of obesity in a large social network over 32 years. The New England Journal of Medicine, 357(4), 370–379. https://doi.org/10.1056/NEJMsa066082

Czeszumski, A., Eustergerling, S., Lang, A., Menrath, D., Gerstenberger, M., Schuberth, S., Schreiber, F., Rendon, Z. Z., & König, P. (2020). Hyperscanning: A valid method to study neural inter-brain underpinnings of social interaction. Frontiers in Human Neuroscience, 14, 39. https://doi.org/10.3389/fnhum.2020.00039

Duffy, K. A., & Chartrand, T. L. (2015). Mimicry: Causes and consequences. Current Opinion in Behavioral Sciences, 3, 112–116. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.cobeha.2015.03.002

Iacoboni, M. (2009). Imitation, empathy, and mirror neurons. Annual Review of Psychology, 60, 653–670. https://doi.org/10.1146/annurev.psych.60.110707.163604

Moulin, L., Carter, J., Patel, R., & Greene, S. (2024). Academic peer effects among college roommates: Evidence from shared living environments. arXiv Preprint. https://arxiv.org/abs/2406.15439

Rizzolatti, G., Fadiga, L., Gallese, V., & Fogassi, L. (1996). Premotor cortex and the recognition of motor actions. Cognitive Brain Research, 3(2), 131–141. https://doi.org/10.1016/0926-6410(95)00038-0

Shin, H. (2022). Social contagion of academic behavior: Comparing social networks of close friends and admired peers. PLOS ONE, 17(3), e0265385. https://doi.org/10.1371/journal.pone.0265385

Shin, H. (2022). Social contagion of academic behavior: Comparing social networks of close friends and admired peers. PLOS ONE, 17(3), e0265385. https://doi.org/10.1371/journal.pone.0265385

Wang, Y., Li, X., Zhang, H., & Chen, P. (2023). Peer effects on adolescent alcohol use: Evidence from social network analysis. Frontiers in Public Health, 11, 10772145. https://doi.org/10.3389/fpubh.2023.10772145

Willms, A. R., Kitanov, P. M., & Langford, W. F. (2017). Huygens’ clocks revisited. Royal Society Open Science, 4(9), 170777. https://doi.org/10.1098/rsos.170777

Hi Friends,

Have you seen the recent Fox or Hulu story about John F. Kennedy Jr. and Carolyn Bessette? The series, Love Story: John and Caroline, presented by Hulu and Fox, has been widely discussed. Their love story appears perfect—something many might hope for.

Still, I keep thinking about how their story ended.

Though everything looked good from the outside, it ended in tragedy. This shows that what seems right isn’t always safe.

This is what Scripture warns against: “There is a way that seems right to a man, but its end is the way of death.” Proverbs 14:12. What feels right isn’t always safe.

We’re often told to trust what feels or looks right. But not everything that looks good leads to life.

That pattern is not isolated. It connects directly to a broader theme, evident in both real events and deeper truths found in Scripture.

The Tragedy

On July 16, 1999, John F. Kennedy Jr. flew a Piper Saratoga from Caldwell, New Jersey, to Martha’s Vineyard with Carolyn Bessette Kennedy and her sister Lauren Bessette. The plane crashed into the Atlantic. The NTSB found that Kennedy lost control during descent because of spatial disorientation, haze, and darkness. He didn’t have an instrument rating, had little night flying experience in those conditions, was still recovering from an ankle injury, and had turned down an instructor’s offer to go with him. He chose to fly alone. All of this shows he faced more than he was ready for.

When the Brain Feels Right but Is Wrong

Spatial disorientation is dangerous because it affects how we perform and can also trick us into feeling confident. When you lose visual cues, like flying over water at night in haze, your brain relies on your inner ear’s balance system. But that system isn’t made for flying. It can make you feel like you’re flying straight and level, even if the plane is tipping or going down. You might feel completely in control while actually losing it.

Neuroscience shows that the metacognitive system, which judges if we’re doing things right, relies on experience and feedback. Lacking these, we can feel confident even if we’re not able. This is the gap highlighted by research on metacognition and the Dunning–Kruger effect: skills and self-judgment are connected, and if one is lacking, so is the other (Kruger & Dunning, 1999; Fleming & Dolan, 2012).

In other words, the problem isn’t just making a mistake. It’s when we wrongly believe we’re safe or correct—when we feel right, but are actually mistaken—and don’t realize the danger until it’s too late.

Confidence Without Calibration

The Kennedy flight shows a human tendency beyond flying. Kennedy was licensed, improving his skills, and likely felt in control. But the situation needed more skill than he had. The NTSB noted that an instructor offered to go with him out of concern, but Kennedy chose to fly alone. This shows our confidence can grow faster than our true ability.

Neuroscience helps explain this. The brain uses past experience to predict and feel ready. If we’ve handled similar things, it often leads us to believe we can manage tougher situations. This feeling can persist even if we’re not actually prepared. The prefrontal cortex judges well only with enough experience and feedback. Without that, we may feel ready but actually still be at risk (Yeung & Summerfield, 2012).

Scripture names this condition with remarkable precision:

“There is a way that seems right to a man,

But its end is the way to death.” — Proverbs 14:12

The focus isn’t on obvious mistakes but on being misled. The danger is in what seems right, as our minds trust what’s familiar or under control, not always what’s true. This proverb describes our thinking process, not just what we should do.

What happened in that cockpit is a lot like what happens in daily life. Danger often hides behind what seems manageable or right; that’s how small misjudgments can turn into big mistakes.

When the Disciples Misjudged the Battle

This same pattern appears in Mark 9, when the disciples attempt to cast out a demon and fail. They had done this before and felt prepared, but the conditions differed this time. Their failure was not due to ignorance of God, but a misjudgment of the situation. When they asked Jesus why they could not cast it out, He answered:

“This kind can come out by nothing but prayer and fasting.” — Mark 9:29

The disciples entered a spiritual challenge, thinking they were ready, but weren’t as prepared as they thought. Jesus’ answer shows some situations need deeper dependence and spiritual focus, not just repeating past actions.

The disciples knew the methods but needed to rely more deeply on God’s power, recognizing that some challenges are bigger than we can handle alone—spiritually, mentally, or physically.

Underestimating the Enemy, Overestimating Ourselves

Scripture consistently warns that the spiritual life is not neutral ground:

“Be sober, be vigilant; because your adversary the devil walks about like a roaring lion, seeking whom he may devour.” — 1 Peter 5:8

The issue isn’t just having an enemy; we often misjudge both the enemy and ourselves. We tend to underestimate challenges and overestimate our own ability. This matches brain science on bias and metacognition: our brains like feeling in control and often miss threats unless trained to spot them.

That’s why spiritual disciplines aren’t optional in Scripture. Prayer, fasting, alertness, and time in the Word aren’t extras. They are tools to keep us grounded, build discernment, and avoid overconfidence. The battle is the Lord’s, and we are to put on His armor daily.

Why Dependence Is Not Weakness

The consistent call throughout Scripture is not toward self-sufficiency, but toward dependence:

“Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding.”

— Proverbs 3:5

This isn’t about ignoring reasoning, but knowing its limits. The mind that plans can also err or overestimate itself. Neuroscience shows confidence isn’t always accurate, and Scripture warned about this long before science did.

Depending on God isn’t weakness, but our real strength. It means we’re honest about our perspective and limitations, and that some things are beyond our own capacity. The Bible teaches us not to lean on our own understanding (Proverbs 3:5-6).

The Subtle Danger of “I Can Handle It”

The most dangerous times aren’t when we’re scared, but when we feel sure of ourselves (Pride goes before destruction, Proverbs 16:18). When things feel easy or familiar, we’re less likely to question them.

The Kennedy crash is more than a tragedy. It reveals a common weakness: even smart, capable people can misjudge their limits. Our brains can make us feel in control even when we’re lost.

Scripture tells us to stay alert, be humble, and depend on God. What seems safe may not always be, and feeling ready doesn’t mean we are.

Final Thoughts

As I finish, I keep noticing how easy it is to stay busy trying to solve everything instead of slowing down enough to listen for God’s guidance.

Much of what we call “confusion” is us moving forward without checking if we’re in sync with God. We make plans, react, and try to fix things ourselves, then wonder why we’re unsettled.

I don’t think God is hiding; we just may not be still enough to notice His guidance.

Praying only in desperation is different from making prayer a regular habit. Fasting, too, is about making space and quieting the noise.

Being busy often makes it harder to see if we’re on the right path.

Prayer helps us get honest with ourselves. Fasting slows us down and reminds us we’re not in control.

Sometimes the wisest thing we can do is pause and ask, “God, is this truly Your will, or am I assuming it’s right based on my own feelings?” This helps guard us from being misled by what only seems right.

Let’s learn to be more intentional: to pray first, not after the fact. Seek God before making decisions, not just afterward, in hopes of His blessing. Lean completely on the Lord and allow Him to lead us.

Prayer

Dear Heavenly Father,

Please help us not to get ahead of Your voice. Help us not to call something wisdom if it’s really just impatience. Help us notice what we are missing. Help us to slow down when we need to. And help us to trust You enough to pause, even when we feel like rushing ahead.

Keep our steps in line with Your Word, not just with what we think makes sense.

In Jesus’ name, amen.

*Please note that this article is not placing blame on John Kennedy Jr. The intention here is not to single anyone out, but to reflect on the situation as a whole, understand what took place, and focus on moving forward with clarity and fairness.

Love and Light,

Dr. April Joy

Philippians 1:6

Disclaimer: This letter is for informational purposes only. It contains general information, drawn from my experience, research, and best practices. It is not health care advice, and is not intended to replace the counsel of your health care provider. Consult your provider before starting any new treatments or making changes to your health routine. This message does not constitute a doctor-patient relationship between us.

If you are experiencing significant anxiety, distress, or need support, please seek care from a qualified healthcare professional. You may also consider reaching out to a licensed Christian counselor or pastor for additional support.

If you are in crisis, having thoughts of harming yourself or others, or feel unsafe, please call 911 or go to your nearest emergency room immediately.

References

Federal Aviation Administration. (2015). Spatial disorientation: Visual illusions. U.S. Department of Transportation.

Fleming, S. M., & Dolan, R. J. (2012). The neural basis of metacognitive ability. Philosophical Transactions of the Royal Society B: Biological Sciences, 367(1594), 1338–1349. https://doi.org/10.1098/rstb.2011.0417

Kruger, J., & Dunning, D. (1999). Unskilled and unaware of it: How difficulties in recognizing one’s own incompetence lead to inflated self-assessments. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 77(6), 1121–1134. https://doi.org/10.1037/0022-3514.77.6.1121

National Transportation Safety Board. (2000). Aviation accident report: NYC99MA178, Piper PA-32R-301, N9253N, July 16, 1999.

Stott, J. R. R. (2013). Orientation and disorientation in aviation. Extreme Physiology & Medicine, 2(2).

Yeung, N., & Summerfield, C. (2012). Metacognition in human decision-making: Confidence and error monitoring. Philosophical Transactions of the Royal Society B: Biological Sciences, 367(1594), 1310–1321. https://doi.org/10.1098/rstb.2011.0416

John and Carolyn Kennedy

Lately, in my clinical practice, I’ve been hearing the same thing over and over again. People aren’t just describing anxiety as something happening in their thoughts; they’re feeling it in their bodies. Nausea, loss of appetite, that tight feeling in their stomach where food doesn’t even sound appealing. Some sit down to eat and feel full after a few bites, while others don’t feel like eating at all.

And when we talk through what’s going on, it’s often more than personal stress. Many are carrying the weight of what they’re seeing in the world. Constant updates, conflict, uncertainty. Even when something is happening far away, the brain doesn’t always register it that way. When you’re exposed to it repeatedly, your body can begin to respond as if something is happening close to home.

I also want to say this with care. Some of you reading this are not far removed from conflict at all. Some of you are living in it, or have loved ones who are. Some may be serving or directly in harm’s way. You are not unseen. God is near to you even there.

“The Lord is your keeper; the Lord is your shade at your right hand.” (Psalm 121:5)

In this section, I’m speaking specifically to what I’m seeing in my patients here in the U.S., people who are physically far removed but still carrying the weight of it.

And what I’m seeing makes sense.

When Anxiety Shows Up in the Body

One of the most confusing parts of anxiety is how physical it feels.

“I feel anxious, and I can’t eat.”

That’s something I hear often, and it’s not random.

A large population study found that about 12.5% of people reported nausea, and anxiety was one of the strongest factors associated with it (Haug et al., 2002). Anxiety and nausea often go together.

Your brain and your gut are constantly communicating. When your brain senses stress, your body shifts into a stress response. Digestion slows, appetite changes, and nausea can increase.

Harvard Medical School explains it this way: the gut is highly sensitive to emotion, and stress can directly affect its function (Harvard Health Publishing, 2021; Mayer, 2011).

There is also a deeper biological connection. Most serotonin, a chemical involved in mood and regulation, is produced in the gut rather than the brain (Gershon, 1998; Mayer, 2011). So when your stomach feels off during anxiety, that connection is real.

Research has even shown how closely tied this system is. When gut bacteria from anxious animals were transferred into calm ones, the calm animals began to show anxious behaviors (Cryan & Dinan, 2012; Foster et al., 2017). Stress can also change how the digestive system moves, how sensitive it feels, and whether hunger signals show up at all (Mayer, 2011; Carabotti et al., 2015).

If anxiety is affecting your body, nothing is wrong with you. Your body is responding.

.

Subscribe now

The Psalms Already Knew This

Long before neuroscience described the brain’s alarm systems, Scripture described what it feels like to have a mind that won’t quiet.

“In the multitude of my anxieties within me, Your comforts delight my soul.” (Psalm 94:19)

The Psalms don’t treat that experience as something to hide. They bring it into the presence of God and give it words.

A Table in the Middle of It (Psalm 23)

When David writes, “You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies,” he isn’t describing a peaceful moment. He’s describing a life that still has tension, uncertainty, and unresolved issues.

And for many people, anxiety doesn’t just stay in the mind; it shows up in the body. Trying to sit down and eat can feel difficult when your stomach is tight, nausea is present, and your system is on edge. It’s not just feeling anxious; it’s your whole body responding, which can make something as simple as eating feel much harder than it should.

In his world, a table meant being welcomed in, cared for, and kept safe. The Hebrew word shulchan reflects something intentionally prepared, a provision, and care extended.

What stands out is where the table is set.

Right in the presence of enemies.

Not after everything is resolved. Not when life feels calm. Right in the middle of it.

Because anxiety tells you that you cannot settle until everything feels safe. Your body tightens. Your mind scans. Everything feels on edge.

But David describes something different.

God meets you there.

He does not wait for your circumstances to change, nor for your body to feel calm. Even when you are still aware of what feels threatening, He is present.

And sometimes those “enemies” are not people.

There can be other things that we call anxiety, or what causes us to become anxious, things like:
Fear.
Pressure.
Guilt.
Shame.
Overwhelm.

And still, He prepares a table.

There is a kind of calm that comes, not from everything being fixed, but from being in His presence.

Perfect Peace (Isaiah 26:3)

“You will keep him in perfect peace, whose mind is stayed on You, because he trusts in You.”

The phrase “perfect peace” comes from the Hebrew shalom shalom. The repetition adds weight, pointing to something steady, whole, and not easily shaken.

The phrase “mind is stayed” carries the idea of being held steady. It does not mean anxious thoughts never come. It speaks to where your mind returns.

Scripture consistently calls us to be intentional with that:

“Take every thought captive…” (2 Corinthians 10:5)
“Whatever things are true… meditate on these things.” (Philippians 4:8)
“Meditate in it day and night…” (Joshua 1:8)

Over time, your brain follows those patterns. What you return to matters.

Jesus Understands

Jesus experienced distress.

“My soul is exceedingly sorrowful…” (Matthew 26:38)

And yet He trusted the Father.

“We do not have a High Priest who cannot sympathize with our weaknesses…” (Hebrews 4:15)

He understands what it feels like to carry something heavy. He meets us there.

Attention, Trust, and Prayer

Where your mind goes matters.

If your thoughts keep returning to what feels threatening, your body stays tense. When your mind returns to what is steady, your body can begin to calm.

Research shows that prayer activates brain regions involved in connection and relationship (Schjoedt et al., 2009). Faith and prayer have also been associated with lower anxiety and improved coping with stress (Koenig, 2012; Ellison & Levin, 1998).

“Be anxious for nothing… with thanksgiving…” (Philippians 4:6)

Do Not Worry About Tomorrow

“Therefore do not worry about tomorrow…” (Matthew 6:34)

Anxiety often lives in the future. Jesus brings us back to today.

A Practice for When Anxiety Hits Your Body

When anxiety rises, trying to force it away usually doesn’t help.

Start by naming what’s happening.
This is anxiety. My body is responding.

Slow your breathing. Let your shoulders drop. Give your body a signal that it can begin to settle.

Then bring your mind to one simple truth.

You can use a simple breathing prayer to guide you:

Breathe in slowly for four seconds:
“You will keep him in perfect peace…” (Isaiah 26:3)

Hold for a few seconds.

Then breathe out slowly:
“…whose mind is stayed on You.” (Isaiah 26:3)

Stay there for a few breaths.

You can use any verse that anchors you:

“The Lord is my shepherd…” (Psalm 23:1)
“God is our refuge and strength…” (Psalm 46:1)
“Be still, and know that I am God.” (Psalm 46:10)

You’re not trying to control everything in that moment.
You’re giving your mind somewhere steady to return.

You don’t have to fix everything. You don’t have to know how “it” will all work out. You just need to know the One who holds the future and trust that He will work all things out for your good and has already overcome the world.

Closing

When you step back, it begins to connect.

Anxiety shows up in your body, your stomach, and your thoughts. Neuroscience explains it, but Scripture has been speaking to it all along.

The same God who designed your brain and your body knows how to calm it.

He meets you in the middle of what feels overwhelming.

And He keeps bringing you back, not tomorrow, not everything at once, but here.

To trust Him, to draw near to Him, and to rest in Him.

Because you were made to be close to Him. Because only in His presence can we find peace and full joy.

Closing Prayer

Dear Heavenly Father,

You see the anxious mind and the body that feels unsettled. You see the ones who feel overwhelmed, who carry thoughts that keep returning and won’t quiet.

Thank You that You are not distant from that.

You are the God who keeps in perfect peace. You are the Shepherd who prepares a table even in the presence of what feels overwhelming. You are near, even when everything feels uncertain.

Calm what feels stirred up.
Steady what feels ungrounded.
Bring comfort into the thoughts that keep multiplying.

Help us return our minds to You, again and again, even when it feels hard. Teach us to trust You in this moment rather than fear what might come next.

Restore what anxiety has affected, in the body and in the mind. Let Your presence be something we experience, not just something we understand.

Meet us right here.

In Jesus’ name, amen.

Love and Light,
Dr. April Joy

Philippians 1:6

Disclaimer: This letter is for informational purposes only. It contains general information, drawn from my experience, research, and best practices. It is not health care advice, and is not intended to replace the counsel of your health care provider. Consult your provider before starting any new treatments or making changes to your health routine. This message does not constitute a doctor-patient relationship between us.

If you are experiencing significant anxiety, distress, or need support, please seek care from a qualified healthcare professional. You may also consider reaching out to a licensed Christian counselor or pastor for additional support.

If you are in crisis, having thoughts of harming yourself or others, or feel unsafe, please call 911 or go to your nearest emergency room immediately.

APA REFERENCES

Carabotti, M., Scirocco, A., Maselli, M. A., & Severi, C. (2015).
The gut–brain axis. Annals of Gastroenterology, 28(2), 203–209.

Cryan, J. F., & Dinan, T. G. (2012).
Gut microbiota and brain behaviour. Nature Reviews Neuroscience, 13(10), 701–712.

Foster, J. A., Rinaman, L., & Cryan, J. F. (2017).
Stress & microbiome. Neurobiology of Stress, 7, 124–136.

Gershon, M. D. (1998).
The Second Brain. HarperCollins.

Harvard Health Publishing. (2021).
The gut-brain connection. Harvard Medical School.

Haug, T. T., et al. (2002).
Anxiety and somatic symptoms. Psychosomatic Medicine, 64(2), 292–298.

Koenig, H. G. (2012).
Religion and health. ISRN Psychiatry.

Mayer, E. A. (2011).
Gut–brain communication. Nature Reviews Neuroscience, 12(8), 453–466.

McEwen, B. S. (2007).
Stress and the brain. Physiological Reviews, 87(3), 873–904.

Porges, S. W. (2007).
Polyvagal theory. Biological Psychology, 74(2), 116–143.

Ressler, K. J. (2010).
Amygdala and fear. Biological Psychiatry, 67(12), 1117–1119.

Schjoedt, U., et al. (2009).
Prayer brain activity. SCAN, 4(2), 199–207.

In Matthew’s Gospel, the genealogy of Jesus includes the name Tamar, which surprises many readers. Even before exploring the challenges and pain of her story, the Bible anchors her legacy in hope as part of Christ’s family line. Redemption is built not on perfect stories, but on real histories of loss and restoration.

Tamar’s story in Genesis 38 is complex and difficult. It involves loss, broken promises, deception, and a public moment that reveals Judah’s moral failure. While most genealogies focus on honor and legitimacy, Matthew, however, keeps Tamar’s name in Christ’s line. In this way, the Bible does not hide the hard history behind redemption.

Tamar Through the Lens of Social Pain

To understand Tamar’s story, imagine quiet moments at the edge of her world. Picture a silent household filled with heavy uncertainty, or a dusty road under the midday sun. These sights and silences point to more than loneliness; they are the felt absence of covenant protection and security meant to surround her. Pause for a moment and step into Genesis 38, where every detail carries hope and loss, and where the embodiment of longing and vulnerability itself presses Tamar’s need for justice to the surface.

Tamar had been married to Judah’s firstborn son, Er. Scripture says that Er was wicked in the sight of the Lord. He died (Genesis 38:7). According to the custom of the time, Tamar was then given to Judah’s second son, Onan, so that he could produce an heir for his brother’s line and ensure that Tamar would not remain childless and vulnerable.

But Onan refused to fulfill that responsibility. The text explains that what he did was also wicked in the sight of the Lord, and that he, too, died (Genesis 38:10).

Judah then promised Tamar that she would eventually marry his youngest son, Shelah, when he grew older. Tamar returned to live as a widow in her father’s household while she waited.

Let’s Pause To Consider What This Meant In The Context Of Ancient Times:

Now, if we pause and consider Tamar’s situation in its historical and legal setting, the emotional weight comes into sharper focus. This transition prompts a deeper understanding of the context shaping Tamar’s experiences.

Imagine Tamar, her world tightening with each loss. Her husband dies, her second marriage dissolves, and Judah withholds his last son. Hope narrows as stability fades, her future slipping away and her place in the household growing more uncertain. Public blame and threatened punishment loom if she steps beyond her role. All these cascading losses, grief, isolation, withheld protection, vulnerability to shame and execution, press in around her.

In the ancient Near Eastern world, widowhood without children could place a woman in a precarious position. The levirate obligation, later codified in Deuteronomy 25:5–6, was designed to prevent this kind of vulnerability. If a man died without an heir, his brother was expected to marry the widow so the family line would continue and the woman would remain protected within the household.

Tamar faced real danger without Judah’s family. She had no guarantee of food, no shelter if sent away, and public shame threatened her reputation. Each day brought losses of food, belonging, and dignity, making her isolation all the more real.

Subscribe now

What Had Been Promised To Her

Judah promised his youngest son, Shelah, that he would marry her, but never fulfilled that promise. Tamar remained bound to Judah’s household, unable to remarry, and was denied the protection custom required.

Old Testament scholar Victor Hamilton notes that Tamar was effectively placed in a state of indefinite widowhood, bound to Judah’s family but without the restoration the system was meant to provide (Hamilton, 1995).

Similarly, Tikva Frymer-Kensky explains that Tamar had been denied the very protection the levirate institution existed to secure. Without a child and without a husband, her social future would have been extremely uncertain (Frymer-Kensky, 2002).

In truth, Tamar’s choices were painfully limited.

Without marriage or children, a woman then had no support, inheritance, or secure place in the household that shaped her life.

But the promise Judah made was never kept.

Genesis tells us that Tamar eventually recognized the reality of the situation:

“She saw that Shelah had grown up, and she had not been given to him in marriage.”
Genesis 38:14

Tamar realized, in simple terms, that Judah did not intend to keep his word.

This left her exposed and wounded. Still tethered to Judah’s household by custom, she languished, denied the comfort of a husband, the security of a child, and the shelter of belonging. Every passing day deepened her abandonment, every silent meal marked her loss.

Tamar Took Action

The Bible tells this story honestly. Once Tamar saw that Shelah would not be given to her, she removed her widow’s garments. She covered herself with a veil and sat by the road near Enaim, where Judah would pass on his way to Timnah.

When Judah saw her, he assumed she was a prostitute because her face was veiled.

He approached her and asked to sleep with her. Tamar agreed but asked what he would give her in return.

Judah promised to send a young goat from his flock. Tamar then asked for a pledge until the payment could be delivered.

“What pledge shall I give you?” Judah asked.

She replied:

“Your signet, your cord, and the staff in your hand.”
Genesis 38:18

Judah gave them to her.

These objects were deeply personal symbols in that world.

The signet functioned as a personal seal used to authenticate agreements and transactions.
The cord held the seal so it could be worn and carried.
The staff represented personal authority and Judah himself. Taken together, these objects stood for Judah’s very identity.

After their encounter, Tamar returned home, took off her veil, and put on her widow’s garments again. Later, Judah sent a goat to retrieve the pledge, but Tamar was nowhere to be found. The objects stayed with her (Genesis 38:20–23).

Three months later, Judah was told that Tamar was pregnant.

Not knowing the whole story, Judah quickly ordered Tamar to be brought out and punished.

As Tamar was being brought forward, she sent a message to Judah along with the objects he had given her:

“By the man to whom these belong, I am pregnant. And she said, ‘Please identify whose these are—the signet, the cord, and the staff.’”
Genesis 38:25

When Judah saw them, he immediately recognized the truth and publicly acknowledged his failure.

“She is more righteous than I, since I did not give her to my son Shelah.”
Genesis 38:26

This is the moment when the story turns.

The Turning Point for Judah

Old Testament scholars note that Judah’s confession marks the start of his transformation. Earlier, Judah participated in selling Joseph into slavery (Genesis 37). Later, when Joseph threatens to enslave Benjamin, Judah offers himself in Benjamin’s place and pleads for mercy (Genesis 44:33).

The brother who once took part in Joseph’s betrayal later becomes the one willing to give himself for another.

From this same Judah, Israel’s royal line will come.

Tamar later gives birth to twins, Perez and Zerah, and Perez becomes part of the lineage that leads to King David and ultimately to Jesus Christ (Matthew 1:3).

Tamar’s experience touches something deeply familiar in us.

Modern neuroscience shows that social rejection and exclusion are processed by the brain in ways that overlap with how we experience physical pain.

In a well-known study, neuroscientist Naomi Eisenberger and colleagues examined what happens in the brain when a person experiences social exclusion (Eisenberger, Lieberman, & Williams, 2003).

Participants lay inside an fMRI scanner. The machine measures changes in blood flow in the brain. While inside, they played a simple virtual ball-tossing game with others on a screen.

At first, the players included the participant normally, passing the ball back and forth.

Then the game changed.

The other players stopped throwing the ball to the participant. The game continued, but the participant was quietly excluded.

During exclusion, researchers observed increased activity in two brain regions: the dorsal anterior cingulate cortex (dACC) and the anterior insula.

The dorsal anterior cingulate cortex (dACC) is involved in detecting distress and conflict. It is known to be active during the emotional component of physical pain.

The anterior insula helps the brain interpret internal bodily signals, a process called interoception (the brain’s awareness of internal sensations such as discomfort, tension, or unease).

Together, these regions help the brain recognize when something is wrong or threatening.

Research suggests that experiences of social rejection activate neural systems that overlap with those involved in the emotional distress of physical pain (Eisenberger & Lieberman, 2004). This may help explain why exclusion, betrayal, or humiliation can feel deeply painful even though no physical injury occurs.

When we consider Tamar’s story, the emotional weight becomes easier to understand. She faced repeated loss, broken promises, and public accusation. Modern neuroscience helps us see why experiences of rejection and injustice can leave such a powerful imprint on the human mind.

Let’s look at Tamar’s story from a different angle. What if we think about it not only with historical empathy, but also through what psychology and neuroscience have found? By comparing her ancient struggles with modern brain research, we can better see why her story still matters today.

In practical terms, Tamar’s choices were few.

This is why many scholars emphasize that Tamar’s actions should be understood in the context of structural injustice and social desperation, rather than as mere deception or wrongdoing. It was an attempt to secure the future that Judah’s family had denied. From a psychological perspective, situations like Tamar’s can be deeply stressful. When the future is uncertain and protection is gone, the brain’s alarm systems turn on. Imagine Tamar’s heart pounding, her breath quickening as anxiety rises. In these moments, the amygdala, the brain’s alarm center, becomes active, signaling the body to prepare for danger. A pounding chest or shallow breaths are outward signs of what is happening inside: social instability and exclusion bring not just worry, but real physical reactions as the body tries to survive.o survive.

One region involved in this process is the amygdala (the brain’s threat-detection center), which helps identify potential danger and trigger protective responses. When the brain perceives threat or instability, it also activates the hypothalamic-pituitary-adrenal (HPA) axis, the body’s primary stress-response system that regulates the release of stress hormones, such as cortisol.

These systems prepare the body to respond to danger and uncertainty.

Seen this way, Tamar’s situation was not just a matter of bad luck or misfortune. She lived with ongoing vulnerability and little control over what would happen next.

Her actions brought the truth to light and exposed the injustice within Judah’s household.

Subscribe now

Moral Recognition and the Brain

The turning point in Tamar’s story comes when Judah sees the objects she sends and admits his failure.

Neuroscience research on moral judgment consistently points to networks in the prefrontal cortex, particularly the ventromedial prefrontal cortex (vmPFC) and the dorsolateral prefrontal cortex (dlPFC).

The ventromedial prefrontal cortex (vmPFC) helps integrate emotional signals with social values, allowing people to weigh empathy, relationships, and moral meaning when making decisions.

The dorsolateral prefrontal cortex (dlPFC) contributes to reasoning, impulse control, and the evaluation of consequences. This region helps regulate behavior and supports the more deliberate aspects of moral decision-making.

Together, these regions form part of a broader network that allows human beings to reflect on actions, evaluate right and wrong, and respond when confronted with moral truth.

Studies suggest that damage to these regions can impair moral judgment and ethical decision-making (Mendez, 2009; Tassy et al., 2011).

It is importan to remember that neuroscience can only describe how the brain processes moral awareness. Scripture reminds us that it is ultimately God who brings hidden things into the light and confronts the human heart with truth.

“The Lord sees not as man sees: man looks on the outward appearance, but the Lord looks on the heart.”
1 Samuel 16:7

“You have set our iniquities before you, our secret sins in the light of your presence.”
Psalm 90:8

In Tamar’s story, the moment of exposure is unmistakable. When Judah recognizes the signet, cord, and staff, the truth he had tried to avoid is suddenly undeniable.

And he responds with a confession that becomes the moral turning point of the narrative:

“She is more righteous than I.”
Genesis 38:26

This moment reflects something both theology and neuroscience acknowledge: human beings possess the capacity for moral self-recognition. Yet Scripture goes further. The Bible teaches that conviction itself is not merely a mental process but also a work of God, revealing truth to the human heart.

“The spirit of man is the lamp of the Lord, searching all his innermost parts.”
Proverbs 20:27

Science may help us understand the processes involved in recognizing moral failure, but Genesis reminds us that it is God who ultimately exposes injustice, reveals what is hidden, and calls the human heart to account.

And in Judah’s case, that moment of conviction becomes the beginning of transformation.

The Larger Story of Redemption

Tamar’s story does not end with Judah’s confession.

She gives birth to twins, Perez and Zerah, and Perez becomes an ancestor of King David. Centuries later, Matthew includes Tamar’s name in Jesus’ genealogy.

The Gospel writer does not remove the difficult parts of the story.

Instead, Tamar’s story is woven into the larger story of redemption.

Psychologists describe a process called narrative identity, the way people make sense of life events by placing them within a larger story (McAdams & McLean, 2013). Events that once seemed chaotic or unjust can take on new meaning when understood within a broader narrative.

For example, imagine someone who loses a job but later sees that loss as the beginning of a new calling or a deeper purpose. When painful moments are connected to a larger story of growth or redemption, they can take on new meaning. In this way, narrative identity helps us see trauma differently, just as Tamar’s story is remembered in the genealogy of redemption.

Scripture often tells history in this way. It does not erase painful events but situates them within a larger story of grace.

Why Stories Like Tamar’s Stay With Us

There is also a psychological reason that Tamar’s story stays with us.

Research shows that negative events often leave stronger memories than positive ones. Psychologists call this the negativity bias, which means we remember threats, betrayal, and injustice more clearly than we do everyday experiences (Baumeister et al., 2001).

This may be why we so often focus on the scandal in Tamar’s story.

Yet Scripture directs attention to the fact that Tamar’s name remains in the genealogy, not to highlight failure, but to show that God does not abandon broken stories.

The Bible does not ignore injustice.

It confronts it, but it also reminds us that injustice is not the end of the story.

Tamar’s story begins with rejection and vulnerability, yet it becomes part of the family line through which the Messiah enters. Our minds remember pain and injustice.

But Scripture reminds us that God remembers something greater—the redemption that can grow from even the hardest stories.

As you reflect on Tamar’s journey and the way our minds hold on to injustice, consider moments in your own life when pain or wrongs have lingered. Are there stories you still carry that feel unfinished? In light of Tamar’s story, imagine how your own story might be seen differently, not by ignoring pain, but by allowing new meaning and hope to grow from what once felt broken. Just as Tamar’s deliverance was remembered, your story can also become part of a larger story of hope.

Closing Reflection: Identity, Justice, and Redemption

Tamar’s story is powerful, but it must be read carefully. Genesis 38 is descriptive, not prescriptive. Scripture records what happened; it does not instruct believers to pursue justice as Tamar did. The Bible consistently teaches that justice ultimately belongs to the Lord.

“Beloved, never avenge yourselves, but leave it to the wrath of God, for it is written, ‘Vengeance is mine, I will repay, says the Lord.’“
Romans 12:19

At the same time, Tamar’s story shows us something important about identity and redemption. Tamar lived through vulnerability, rejection, and uncertainty. Yet her story did not end in shame. God did not remove her from the story. Instead, her name appears in the genealogy of Jesus Christ (Matthew 1:3). What others may have seen as scandal became part of God’s redemptive plan.

This reminds us that our true identity is not shaped by rejection, injustice, or hardship. Scripture often teaches that God sees those who are vulnerable and stands up for those who have been wronged.

“A father to the fatherless, a defender of widows, is God in his holy dwelling.”
Psalm 68:5

Throughout the Bible, God shows special care for people who are socially vulnerable, like widows, orphans, and strangers (Deuteronomy 10:18; Psalm 146:9). Tamar’s story quietly reflects this theme.

Modern neuroscience helps us see why stories of rejection leave such deep marks on our minds. Yet Scripture reminds us that God’s purposes reach beyond the pain we feel. Even situations that seem broken or unfair can become part of a larger story of redemption.

“And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose.”
Romans 8:28

The Bible does not ignore injustice, but always points to a deeper hope. God sees what others miss, remembers what others forget, and works through history, even in the hardest times, to carry out His purposes.

Tamar’s story begins with rejection and uncertainty, but it ends with restoration, dignity, and a place in the line of the Messiah. That is the deeper message of Genesis 38. No, not that we are called to imitate Tamar’s actions. But God can redeem even the most difficult chapters of our stories.

Prayer

Dear Heavenly Father,

You are the God who sees what others overlook.
Your Word reminds us that You are a Father to the fatherless and a defender of the widow.

Lord, many people today carry the weight of rejection, injustice, or broken circumstances. Help us remember that our identity is not defined by what others have done to us, but by what You say about us.

Teach us to trust Your justice and Your timing. When situations feel unfair or unresolved, remind us that vengeance belongs to You and that You are working in ways we cannot yet see.

Give peace to those who feel overlooked, strengthen those who are waiting for Your intervention, and help us align our lives with the truth of Your Word.

Thank You that You are a God who redeems stories, restores dignity, and works all things together for good for those who love You.

We trust You with our lives, our pain, and our future.

In Jesus’ name,
Amen.

Love and prayers,

Dr. April Joy

Philippians 1:6

Thanks for reading The Christian Mind Reset’s Substack! Subscribe for free to receive new posts and support my work.

This newsletter is for educational and faith-based reflection only. It is not medical advice, psychotherapy, or a substitute for professional mental health care, and it does not establish a patient-provider relationship. Consult your provider before starting any new treatments or making changes to your health routine.

If you are experiencing thoughts of harming yourself or others, or are in emotional distress, please seek immediate help by contacting 911, local emergency services, calling or texting 988 in the United States, or going to your nearest hospital.

Scripture References

Genesis 38:7
Genesis 38:10
Genesis 38:14
Genesis 38:18
Genesis 38:25–26
Deuteronomy 10:18
Deuteronomy 25:5–6

1 Samuel 16:7
Psalm 68:5

Psalm 90:8
Psalm 146:9

Proverbs 20:27
Matthew 1:3
Romans 8:28
Romans 12:19

References

Baumeister, R. F., Bratslavsky, E., Finkenauer, C., & Vohs, K. D. (2001). Bad is stronger than good. Review of General Psychology, 5(4), 323–370.

Eisenberger, N. I., Lieberman, M. D., & Williams, K. D. (2003). Does rejection hurt? An fMRI study of social exclusion. Science, 302(5643), 290–292. PMID: 14551436.

Eisenberger, N. I., & Lieberman, M. D. (2004). Why rejection hurts: A common neural alarm system for physical and social pain. Trends in Cognitive Sciences, 8(7), 294–300.

Mendez, M. F. (2009). The neurobiology of moral behavior. Brain and Cognition, 71(3), 263–271.

Tassy, S., Oullier, O., Mancini, J., & Wicker, B. (2011). Disrupting the right dorsolateral prefrontal cortex alters moral judgment. Social Cognitive and Affective Neuroscience, 7(3), 282–288.

McAdams, D. P., & McLean, K. C. (2013). Narrative identity. Current Directions in Psychological Science, 22(3), 233–238.

Alter, R. (2019). The Hebrew Bible: A translation with commentary. W. W. Norton.

Frymer-Kensky, T. (2002). Reading the women of the Bible. Schocken Books.

Hamilton, V. P. (1995). The book of Genesis: Chapters 18–50. Eerdmans.

Waltke, B. K. (2001). Genesis: A commentary. Zondervan.

Wenham, G. J. (1994). Genesis 16–50. Word Biblical Commentary.

Jesus told anxious people to do something surprisingly simple.

He did not tell them to analyze their worries, rehearse positive thoughts, or try harder to calm themselves.

He told them to look at the birds. “Look at the birds of the air… your heavenly Father feeds them.”
Matthew 6:26

For centuries, Christians have seen that line in the Sermon on the Mount as a beautiful reminder of God’s care. And it is. But if we slow down and look more closely, we see that Jesus is doing something else as well. He is redirecting our minds.

Modern neuroscience is starting to explain what happens when we shift our attention from worry to the natural world. The brain’s alarm systems quiet down, the nervous system settles, and the mind is less caught up in imagined futures.

In Matthew 6, Jesus speaks directly to anxiety. The Greek word for “anxious,” merimnaō, means being pulled apart by worry or divided by competing concerns. It describes the tension that comes when our minds keep trying to manage the future. Anxiety splits our attention because we keep imagining possibilities, looking for problems, and trying to control things we can’t.

Instead of simply telling people to stop worrying, Jesus points them to something specific.

“Look at the birds of the air.”

The Greek word for “look” is emblepsate, meaning to look carefully or to observe with focus. It’s not just a quick glance, but an intentional act of noticing. Imagine the glossy shimmer of a bird’s wing as it catches the sunlight, or the sudden dart and pause of movement among the branches. Perhaps you hear a clear, faint call or see a streak of hue against the green. This kind of slow, attentive looking opens your senses to what is really there. Later, Jesus says, “Consider the lilies,” using the word katamathete, which means to learn by careful observation.

Jesus was not simply speaking in poetic metaphor.
He was giving a practical instruction. He is guiding anxious people to notice something real in the world, something that can change their perspective.

Look closely at the birds.
Notice how they live.
Observe how they are sustained.

For centuries, Christian thinkers have seen this passage as a lesson about divine providence—the idea that God keeps and guides the world He made. Augustine wrote that Christ points us to the birds so we can see how simply the rest of creation depends on God. Birds gather food each day, but their lives unfold under the care of the Creator who feeds them (Augustine, Sermon on the Mount, Book II).

I think of a friend who told me how, during a stressful drive to work, she noticed a pair of sparrows perching on a power line. For a moment, her tense thoughts eased as she remembered that even these small creatures are watched over— and that she is, too.

A Brief Snippet of the Neuroscience of Bird Watching

It is striking that neuroscience now shows how what we pay attention to shapes the brain.

Scientists have found that the brain changes with repeated experience. This is called neuroplasticity. The brain can reorganize and strengthen its pathways based on what we notice repeatedly.

Repeated attention strengthens neural pathways, making the patterns we notice easier for the brain to recognize over time.

Neuroscience research shows that repeatedly watching birds can actually shape the brain. In a recent brain imaging study, experienced birdwatchers showed changes in brain regions that support attention and memory. Years of careful observation had strengthened the systems for detecting patterns in the natural world.

People who regularly watch and identify birds had brains that were better at noticing small details and recognizing patterns. These areas help us see differences and notice what is unique.

In experienced birdwatchers, these brain regions had become more organized and efficient. The pathways for attention and perception strengthened with practice. This helped them notice subtle differences among birds, such as changes in shape or movement.

This is neuroplasticity in action. When we practice careful observation, such as watching birds, the brain’s attention and perception networks become more refined.

The brain becomes better at noticing what it has learned to notice.

Simply put, our brains are formed by what we pay attention to again and again.

This matters even more when we think about worry.

An anxious brain tends to operate in a constant state of alertness. Deep within the brain is a small structure called the amygdala, which functions like the brain’s alarm system. Its role is to scan the environment for danger. When it detects a possible threat, it activates the body’s stress response. Heart rate increases, breathing becomes shallow, and attention narrows, allowing the brain to focus on the perceived problem (LeDoux, 2000; McEwen, 2007).

This system helps us survive. But if our minds keep imagining danger, the alarm can stay on even when there is no real threat.

The brain can get stuck, always searching for what might go wrong.

But the nervous system also listens for signs of safety. When the brain senses calm, the body begins to settle. Heart rate slows, breathing deepens, and the mind becomes more open. In this state, the brain is no longer ruled by threat, but can think more clearly and respond with greater flexibility.

Neuroscience suggests that spending time in nature can help calm the brain’s stress systems. Studies have found that simply seeing or hearing birds is linked to better mental well-being, even for people who are struggling. While these studies show a strong correlation between time spent with birds and better mood, it is important to note that correlation does not necessarily imply causation. Still, the evidence points to a hopeful possibility: paying attention to nature may play a meaningful role in nurturing mental health.

In one study, people reported feeling better when they saw or heard birds in daily life. The effect lasted even after the moment had passed.

Part of the reason may be the way attention shapes the brain. When the mind shifts from worry to gentle observation of the world, the threat-detection systems quiet down. The body receives signals that it is safe and begins to settle. In these moments, the experience of bodily safety is not only a matter of biology but also a grace-filled invitation: the Creator gently assures us, through even the smallest details of His world, that we are cared for. In each quiet settling of the nervous system, we are invited to trust again in the ongoing providence of our Father.

In this way, Jesus’ teaching in the Sermon on the Mount becomes even more meaningful.

He does not simply say that God feeds the birds.

He tells anxious people to observe them.

The birds become a visible sign of God’s care. Their lives quietly show that the world is sustained, moment by moment, by the Creator.

Scripture repeatedly calls our attention to this reality.

“The heavens declare the glory of God.”
Psalm 19:1

“I lift up my eyes to the hills.”
Psalm 121:1

“Consider the lilies.”
Matthew 6:28

“Look at the birds of the air.”
Matthew 6:26

These are not just random images. They are invitations to notice.

We were made to worship, and worship is shaped by what we pay attention to. In today’s attention economy, it is easy to find ourselves swept into cycles of doom-scrolling and endless news feeds—always absorbing stories of threat, lack, and uncertainty. These patterns quietly train our minds to focus on fear, and what we focus on shapes what we trust. If we keep thinking about imagined threats, worry grows. But when we look again at God’s faithfulness in creation, responding to His invitation to notice the world He made, our minds begin to remember what we had forgotten.

God is sustaining the world.

This remembrance alters not only what we trust but Who we trust.

When the heart remembers who God is and where provision comes from, the body no longer needs to stay on high alert. The mind becomes less divided. Perspective widens. Worry loosens its grip as attention turns from imagined scarcity to the visible evidence of God’s sustaining care.

Jesus understood this long before science had terms such as neuroplasticity, brain alarm systems, or nervous system regulation.

He did not simply command anxious people to stop worrying.

He showed them where to place their attention.

Look at the birds.

Not because birds can solve our problems, but because they remind us Who cares for the world.

And when our minds remember who holds the world, our bodies frequently follow.

A Simple Rhythm of Holy Noticing

This week, consider making a small, intentional habit out of Jesus’ instruction—a “holy noticing rhythm.” Naming it this way helps us remember to return to it, just as we do with prayer or other spiritual practices.

Go outside and notice the birds nearby. Watch how they move. Listen to their songs. Let your attention stay focused there for a moment.

Then open your Bible and read Matthew 6:25–34 slowly.

Let what you see in nature remind you of what Jesus teaches: the same Father who feeds the birds also cares for you.

Let that noticing become worship.

Jesus said that real worshipers worship the Father in spirit and in truth (John 4:24). When we stop to notice what God has made and remember Him, our attention returns to where it belongs. The mind grows quiet, the body settles, and the heart is drawn back to trust.

As you finish this practice, consider jotting down a simple one-sentence journal note about how your body feels after a moment of worshipful noticing. Inner reflection like this can help reinforce how much your attention shapes your experience, and over time, this small act can help cement a rhythm of trust.

Sometimes the assignment Jesus gives is very simple.

Look at the birds.

And remember who your Father is.

Closing Prayer

Dear Heavenly Father,

Thank You for the world You have made and for the quiet ways You remind us that You are near. When we look at the birds, the sky, the trees, and all of creation, it helps us remember that You are the One who sustains it all. Just as You feed the birds and care for the earth, remind our hearts that You care for us too. As we pray, help us to slow our breathing—to gently inhale Your care and exhale our worries to You.

When worry begins to pull our thoughts apart, teach us to bring our attention back to You. Help us to cast all our cares on You, trusting that You are faithful and that nothing in our lives is outside of Your loving care. Quiet our minds, steady our hearts, and remind us that we are safe in Your hands.

Lord, help us not rush past the beauty You have placed around us. When we see the birds or hear their songs, let it draw our hearts to worship. Help us glorify You in the simple moments, remembering that all of creation points back to Your goodness and Your provision.

Thank You for caring for us, providing for us, and walking with us each day. Teach us to trust You more and to see Your faithfulness in the world You have made.

We pray all of this in Jesus’ name. Amen.

Love and prayers,

Dr. April Joy

Philippians 1:6

Share The Christian Mind Reset's Substack

This newsletter is for educational and faith-based reflection only. It is not medical advice, psychotherapy, or a substitute for professional mental health care, and it does not establish a patient-provider relationship. Consult your provider before starting any new treatments or making changes to your health routine.

If you are experiencing thoughts of harming yourself or others, or are in emotional distress, please seek immediate help by contacting 911, local emergency services, calling or texting 988 in the United States, or going to your nearest hospital.

References

Augustine. (2009). Our Lord’s sermon on the mount (Book II). In P. Schaff (Ed.), Nicene and post-Nicene fathers, first series (Vol. 6). Hendrickson. (Original work published 1888)

Hammoud, R., Tognin, S., Burgess, L., Bergou, N., Smythe, M., Gibbons, J., Davidson, N., Afifi, A., Bakolis, I., & Mechelli, A. (2022). Smartphone-based ecological momentary assessment reveals mental health benefits of birdlife. Scientific Reports, 12, 17589. https://doi.org/10.1038/s41598-022-20207-6
PMID: 36302928

LeDoux, J. E. (2000). Emotion circuits in the brain. Annual Review of Neuroscience, 23, 155–184. https://doi.org/10.1146/annurev.neuro.23.1.155

McEwen, B. S. (2007). Physiology and neurobiology of stress and adaptation: Central role of the brain. Physiological Reviews, 87(3), 873–904. https://doi.org/10.1152/physrev.00041.2006

Porges, S. W. (2011). The polyvagal theory: Neurophysiological foundations of emotions, attachment, communication, and self-regulation. W. W. Norton & Company.

Wing, E. A., Chad, J. A., Mariotti, G., Ryan, J. D., & Gilboa, A. (2026). The tuned cortex: Convergent expertise-related structural and functional remodeling across the adult lifespan. Journal of Neuroscience. https://doi.org/10.1523/JNEUROSCI.1307-25.2026

Happy Valentine’s Day! Even if you don’t always feel it, you are loved. This newsletter explores the love we all long for and the only One who can truly love us fully.

What if every longing in the human brain for connection is really a reflection of a love that begins with God? Imagine a parent kneeling beside their crying child, gently drawing them close. The child’s brain and body instinctively reach for comfort and safety, yearning to be held and reassured. In that everyday moment of soothing, neuroscience observes the deep, inborn need for connection—and Christian faith sees the traces of divine love, poured into human design. Neuroscience and Scripture together reveal that we are not only wired for love, but designed to be met by a love greater than our own.

Love is a powerful human experience, but it’s often hard to describe. Maybe you’ve felt your heart skip when you met someone’s eyes across a room. Those moments seem electric and unforgettable. People claim love is euphoric or overwhelming. Neuroscience explains what happens in our brains when we love, and Scripture tells us why love matters.

Subscribe now

Science and Scripture together give us a clearer picture.

What Happens in the Brain When We Love?

Neuroscience suggests that love involves many parts of the brain working together. Early in love, the brain’s reward and motivation systems are very active. Dopamine, sometimes called the brain’s internal high-five, increases and motivates us to feel rewarded. This explains why new love feels so energizing and absorbing. We focus more, feel more alive, and the person we love becomes very important to us. Have you ever thought that this excitement might be God inviting us toward the connection we were made for?

As relationships deepen, other systems take over. Oxytocin, which promotes bonding, and vasopressin, which supports long-term attachment, help us build lasting connections. These chemicals help love grow from excitement into trust and closeness over time.

When love feels steady and safe, the brain’s fear systems relax. Anxiety drops, and the parts of the brain that handle emotions and connection become more active. In simple terms, secure love tells your body: you are safe, you are seen, you belong. Scripture also calls God our refuge and place of safety: “The Lord is my refuge and my fortress” (Psalm 91:2). Just as our brains need safety, faith assures us that our deepest safety is found in God, who promises to hold and protect us.

This matters because the brain learns and grows best when it feels safe. Without threat, the brain is more open, flexible, and ready to change. Love not only feels good, but also produces the best conditions for trust, learning, and growth.

Neuroscience can describe these processes in detail. It can identify the chemicals, brain circuits, and patterns that happen when people love and are loved.

But neuroscience can’t tell us why we are made this way.

It can’t explain why our brains need connection. It can’t explain why safety and inclusion are basic needs, not just nice extras. It can’t explain why a lack of love unsettles us, while love brings balance. Why are we wired this way? Why does love matter so much, beyond its effects on our brains? These questions encourage us to look beyond neuroscience for deeper meaning.

Science describes the brain processes involved in love, but it does not speak to why love matters so deeply.

From a Christian perspective, this design is not an accident. The Bible teaches that we were made for relationships, first with God, then with each other. This is not just abstract doctrine; it is seen in the life of Jesus Himself. For example, consider the moment when Jesus met Zacchaeus—a man on the outside of society, eager for connection yet weighed down with shame. Jesus did not lecture Zacchaeus about his mistakes from a distance. Instead, He saw him, called him by name, and invited himself to Zacchaeus’s table, offering belonging before Zacchaeus could make amends or change anything (see Luke 19:1-10). In that encounter, Zacchaeus’s heart softened, and his life changed, not because of demand but because of the safety and welcome of love. In the same way, the way our brains calm in love, learn in safety, and heal in connection points to something more than just chemistry. It shows there is a purpose in how we are made.

Love impacts the brain, but it doesn’t begin there. Our brains respond to love because we were created for connection.

God has lavished His love on us and calls us His children (1 John 3:1), He is the One who made us (Psalm 100:3), and every good and perfect gift comes from Him (James 1:17).

Scripture Has Always Told Us the Source of Love

The Bible does not describe love as merely an emotion or a chemical reaction.

The Bible says, “God is love.” (1 John 4:8)

Love isn’t just something God does; it’s who He is. We experience love because we are made in His image, created for relationship and closeness. That’s why love feels special. It’s not an accident. It’s a gift from Him.

For every longing we carry, Scripture points us back to this truth: we are deeply and intentionally loved by God.

As you read the next verses, notice how each one points back to this same truth.

When Scripture speaks of God, it doesn’t just say He loves. It says He is love (1 John 4:8).

We experience love because we were made in His image, shaped for closeness and connection (Genesis 1:27). That’s why love feels sacred and significant. It’s not random. It’s a gift that carries the imprint of its Giver (James 1:17).

God’s love did not begin when we first noticed Him. He loved us before we ever had language for love. He says, “Before I formed you in the womb I knew you” (Jeremiah 1:5). Scripture tells us that He chose us before the foundation of the world (Ephesians 1:4), not because we earned it, but because love was already His intention.

We are not forgotten or unimportant. We are precious to Him. “He who touches you touches the apple of His eye” (Zechariah 2:8). He says, “I have loved you with an everlasting love; therefore I have drawn you with lovingkindness” (Jeremiah 31:3). Everlasting means His love does not end with failure, suffering, or time.

Because His love is secure, it can’t be taken from us. Nothing can separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus—not hardship, rejection, fear, loss, or even death (Romans 8:38–39). When people leave, God stays. He promises, “I will never leave you nor forsake you” (Hebrews 13:5).

When we feel weak or unable to stand, He upholds us with His righteous right hand (Isaiah 41:10). When we feel exposed or overwhelmed, He covers us, spreading His faithfulness above us like a shield (Psalm 91:4). When life wounds us, Scripture says He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds (Psalm 147:3).

God’s love isn’t distant or passive. It comes to us. While we were still sinners, Christ died for us (Romans 5:8). Jesus loved us and gave Himself for us (Galatians 2:20). He loved us before we were even made (Ephesians 1:4-5).

And for those who have known absence, loss, or abandonment, God speaks tenderly. “Though my father and mother forsake me, the Lord will take me in” (Psalm 27:10). He identifies Himself as a Father to the fatherless and a defender of widows (Psalm 68:5). Even when human love fails us, God remains close.

This love isn’t temporary. It looks ahead. Christ promises He will return for His own (John 14:3). Love doesn’t abandon those it loves. It finishes what it starts.

So no matter what rejection we face or what longing remains in our hearts, Scripture reminds us that we are known, chosen, held, and loved. Not just for a time, but fully and forever. This is the love our hearts seek. God’s love is not like human love.

Human love is sincere, but it is limited. It gets tired. It wavers under pressure. It can be formed by fear, disappointment, or conditions. Even at its best, human love has edges.

God’s love does not.

When Scripture tells us that love is patient and kind (1 Corinthians 13:4–7), it is not simply offering an ideal to strive for. It reveals the character of God Himself. If we place God’s name where Scripture places love, the meaning becomes clearer.

God is patient.
God is kind.
God does not envy or boast.
God is not proud or self-seeking.
God is not easily angered.
God keeps no record of wrongs.
God bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.
God never fails.

Only God can love this way without limit, without fatigue, and without fear.

Human love often comes with fear—fear of loss, rejection, or not being enough. But Scripture makes a key distinction: “There is no fear in love. Perfect love casts out fear, because fear has to do with punishment” (1 John 4:18).

God’s love is never used as leverage. It doesn’t threaten, manipulate, or withdraw to get compliance.

God’s love is secure, steady, and complete. That’s why fear loses its hold in His presence. Fear can’t last where love is perfect.

This is the difference between human attachment and divine love. People may love us deeply and still fail us. God does not love us partially. He does not love us temporarily. He does not love us until we disappoint Him.

He loves us perfectly.

And it is that kind of love, the kind that does not leave, does not punish, and does not fade, that our hearts and nervous systems have been longing for all along.

Why We Long For Everlasting Love

Ecclesiastes tells us something significant:

“He hath also set eternity in their heart.” (Ecclesiastes 3:11)

God placed a sense of eternity in every human soul. That’s why our love always wants more—more lasting, more depth, and more certainty that it will never end.

Think of how many movies, novels, plays, and songs tell the same story—longing for an everlasting love, an eternal flame, a love that never leaves or lets us down.

Every longing for lasting love points to something higher.

We aren’t meant to settle for short-term affection. We were made for a lasting relationship with an eternal God.

Known and Loved Before We Could Earn It

Scripture reminds us that love preceded us:

“You knit me together in my mother’s womb.” (Psalm 139:13)

“I have loved you with an everlasting love.” (Jeremiah 31:3)

Neuroscience suggests early attachment shapes the brain. Scripture goes further: our deepest attachment was always meant to be with God.

From a neuroscience and psychology perspective, humans are wired for attachment. From infancy, the brain develops in the context of relationships. Consistent, responsive care shapes the nervous system, teaching it whether the world is safe and whether connection can be trusted. When attachment is secure, the brain learns regulation, resilience, and emotional stability. When attachment is disrupted or unpredictable, the brain adapts through vigilance, anxiety, or withdrawal, not because the person is broken, but because the nervous system is trying to survive.

Research shows that safety, presence, and reliability are key to people thriving. The brain isn’t meant to develop alone; it needs connection. Secure attachment calms fear, helps us manage emotions, and lets us grow. Simply put, the brain is healthier when love is steady and lasting.

Neuroscience can describe how attachment shapes the mind and body. It can explain how relational experiences influence stress responses, emotional regulation, and behavior throughout the lifespan. What it cannot explain is why the human heart continues to long for perfect, unfailing attachment, even when human relationships inevitably fall short.

Christian theology speaks directly into this longing. Scripture presents God not like a distant force, but as a faithful, ever-present attachment figure who does not withdraw, abandon, or fail (Psalm 46:1). The God of Scripture promises nearness, consistency, and enduring love. In Him, the qualities the brain seeks for security, safety, presence, and reliability are not fragile or temporary.

From this perspective, our longing for secure attachment is not a flaw to overcome. It is a signpost. The brain was shaped to seek what the soul was created for. Human relationships matter deeply, but they were never meant to carry the full weight of our need for permanence and security.

Neuroscience describes the longing. Theology shows us its source.

When You Don’t Feel Loved

Many faithful people, even those who deeply trust God, can struggle to feel loved at times. Even the prophet Elijah, after witnessing God’s power, became overwhelmed by despair and loneliness, crying out that he was alone and ready to give up (see 1 Kings 19:3-5). Doubt, disappointment, or past hurt are not signs of weak faith—they are part of the human experience. If you find yourself wrestling with questions, loneliness, or numbness, you are not alone. Countless believers have traveled this same road. Sharing these common struggles can help reduce shame and open our hearts to grace.

Not everyone finds it easy to feel loved. Some of us carry pain, loss, or years of longing. Sometimes, feeling numb is a way to protect ourselves. Scripture meets us gently in that place, never with shame.

God does not wait for us to feel loved before He loves us.

The Bible tells us:

“Faith cometh by hearing, and hearing by the word of God.” (Romans 10:17)

Trust often comes before the feelings do. We don’t always feel confident, peaceful, or full of faith at first, and that doesn’t mean something is wrong. Prayer, reading Scripture, and practicing gratitude were never meant to be chores we grind through or boxes we check. There are ways we place ourselves in God’s presence, even when our emotions haven’t caught up yet.

Believing what God has said takes intention. Sometimes faith is not certainty, but willingness. And when belief feels thin, we are invited to ask for help. Like the man in Scripture who cried out, “I do believe; help my unbelief” (Mark 9:24), we can come honestly, without pretending.

Neuroscience suggests that belief guides attention and interpretation first, with emotions often following later as the brain adapts to what it repeatedly holds as true.

God meets us there, not with disappointment, but with grace. Instead, what if you approached these as experiments—simple ways to see what could change for you today? You might try noticing whether practicing gratitude, even for a small gift, changes your mood or perspective. Give yourself permission to test these gentle practices and see if they help you stay open to the truth until your feelings catch up.

A Simple Way to Begin

If you don’t feel loved today:

• Start with an honest prayer, even if it’s just, “Lord, help me trust You.”

• Practice gratitude, naming even one small gift.

• Take time to meditate on Scripture and let God’s Word speak to you, even if your feelings haven’t caught up yet. As you do, notice your breath moving in and out, and allow your body to settle comfortably in your seat. If it helps, feel the ground beneath your feet, or place a hand on your heart. Let these small physical cues ground you in the present as you listen for God’s voice, inviting your whole self—body, mind, and spirit—into this moment.

Truth needs space to settle in your life, even before your feelings change.

Scriptures to Meditate On

Read slowly, sit with the words, and return to them again and again.

John 3:16–17

“For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life.

For God sent not his Son into the world to condemn the world; but that the world through him might be saved.”

1 John 1:9

“If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins, and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.”

Jeremiah 31:3

“I have loved you with an everlasting love: therefore with lovingkindness have I drawn you.”

For those wondering if God’s love fades with time:

Isaiah 46:4

“And even to your old age I am he; and even to hoar hairs will I carry you… Even I will carry, and will deliver you.”

God’s love doesn’t fade with age, mistakes, or tiredness.

He carries us from start to finish.

A Closing Prayer

Lord, thank You that You are love, and that Your love does not depend on how I feel today.

Help me trust You where my heart struggles.

Teach me to receive Your love through Your Word, through prayer, and through remembering what is true.

Thank You for sending Jesus—not to condemn me, but to save me, restore me, and draw me back to You.

Help me grow in faith as I hear Your Word and learn to trust You more each day.

I put my hope in You and receive Your love today and always.

In Jesus’ name, Amen.

Love and prayers,

Dr. April Joy

Philippians 1:6

This newsletter is for educational and faith-based reflection only. It is not medical advice, psychotherapy, or a substitute for professional mental health care, and it does not establish a patient-provider relationship. Consult your provider before starting any new treatments or making changes to your health routine.

If you are experiencing thoughts of harming yourself or others, or are in emotional distress, please seek immediate help by contacting 911, local emergency services, calling or texting 988 in the United States, or going to your nearest hospital.

References

Acevedo et al. 2020 Frontiers in Psychology
Carter 1998 Psychoneuroendocrinology
Carvour et al 2025 Frontiers in Human Neuroscience
Fisher et al 2005 Journal of Comparative Neurology
Feldman 2012 Hormones and Behavior
Kapogiannis et al 2009 PNAS
Petersson & Uvnäs-Moberg 2024 Biomedicines
Seshadri 2016 Indian Journal of Endocrinology and Metabolism
Shih et al. 2022 Brain Sciences
Mercado 2017 Hormones and Behavior

Hi everyone,
It’s been a little while since I last posted a newsletter. A short illness pressed pause on my writing, but by God’s grace, I’m back—grateful, restored, and glad to reconnect.

During that time, a quiet thought kept circling back to me. I’ve wrestled with it myself, and I hear it whispered by many of my patients—the subtle belief that we are not enough. These thoughts creep in softly, settling deep until they start to feel like truth, even when they stand in stark contrast to what God declares.

If these thoughts sound familiar, know you are far from alone. Feeling left out, burdened by shame, or doubting your worth is a deeply human experience, not a personal failing. Neuroscience and psychology reveal that these “not enough” beliefs often grow from pain or rejection—protective patterns the brain weaves to shield us. For example, imagine someone walking into a meeting and feeling unnoticed or overlooked. The thought quietly appears: “I don’t have anything valuable to offer.” Instead of criticizing themselves for thinking this way, they might pause to notice the feeling, gently remind themselves, “This is just an old fear surfacing,” and recall a promise, such as “God says I am loved and chosen.” When we name these thoughts, we can meet our struggles with gentleness instead of harsh self-judgment.

I hear these questions voiced in countless ways. People wonder why they are not further along, question their value, or feel like outsiders in their own stories. If I am honest, I have carried these same questions too.

Just this week, someone shared what it felt like to sit in church, surrounded by people yet feeling invisible. She longed to belong, but the old stories of being left out echoed louder than any words of welcome.

That is why I am writing today. I want to explore how these thoughts take root, how they shape our sense of self, and how, in His kindness, God keeps reaching for us—drawing us back to our true identity in Him.

There is a story in Scripture that many of us may have read quickly or overlooked—the story of the Ethiopian eunuch in Acts chapter 8. When you slow down and sit with it, it becomes a story about belonging, identity, and a God who goes out of His way to meet someone who had every reason to wonder if there was a place for him.

Many people struggle with self-esteem and identity. A sense of worth—or a lack of it—can be shaped by bullying, rejection, neglect, abuse, constant criticism, trauma, unstable relationships, or growing up in a world where love felt uncertain. These experiences do more than hurt us. They shape how we see ourselves.

Over time, we start to believe the stories our pain tells. Thoughts like, “I’ll never be good enough,” “I don’t belong,” or “Something is wrong with me” quietly take root. What others once said or did can become the script we repeat to ourselves.

Sometimes identity struggles also come from our own failures. We sin. We make serious mistakes. Shame tries to convince us that our worst moments define us.

But Scripture speaks clearly here:

“If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness” (1 John 1:9).

The gospel does not ignore failure—it redeems it. And God does not stop at forgiveness. Through the Holy Spirit, He continues forming us into His likeness. Scripture calls this sanctification:

“And we all… are being transformed into the same image from one degree of glory to another” (2 Corinthians 3:18).

Even those who know they are made in God’s image, forgiven by grace, and loved by Christ can still wrestle with identity. The reality is that these struggles are not signs of weak faith or failure; they are a normal part of the human journey for many sincere believers. Truth in the mind does not always silence the stories shaped by pain, shame, or exclusion, and ongoing struggle does not diminish your place in God’s love.

Neuroscience gives us words for this struggle. Repeated thoughts carve deep pathways in the brain, making old narratives feel automatic and convincing. What we rehearse becomes reinforced.

This brings us back to Acts 8.

Luke repeatedly refers to the man as “the Ethiopian eunuch” (Acts 8:27). This is intentional. Ethiopia represented lands far beyond what most people knew. Luke is showing the gospel moving outward, beyond what feels familiar, and toward someone others would have seen as an outsider.

The word eunuch carries even more weight. Eunuchs often lived in an in-between space—trusted enough to serve, yet excluded from full participation in worship (Deuteronomy 23:1). He could draw near, but not fully enter.

According to Jewish law, eunuchs were barred from full participation in the assembly of the Lord (Deuteronomy 23:1). This exclusion was not about personal sin or moral failure, but about ritual status and bodily wholeness as it was understood within Israel’s covenant life. As New Testament scholar Craig Keener explains, eunuchs in the ancient world frequently occupied a permanent in-between position—honored enough to hold authority and responsibility, yet restricted from full religious inclusion.

Keener notes that the Ethiopian eunuch could travel to Jerusalem, worship at a distance, and revere Israel’s God, but he would have known there were limits to how close he could come. He could draw near, but not fully enter. The law allowed proximity without access, devotion without full belonging. Over time, that kind of boundary does more than regulate worship—it shapes how a person understands their place before God.

And that is precisely why Acts 8 matters so deeply.

The gospel does not reinforce old boundaries. In Christ, separation is replaced by reconciliation. When exclusion has been woven into a life, it seeps beyond access and settles deep into identity.

Centuries earlier, God had already spoken into that ache:

“Let not the eunuch say, ‘Behold, I am a dry tree’… I will give them an everlasting name that shall not be cut off” (Isaiah 56:3–5).

Now imagine the scene in Acts, holding that promise close.

This man has journeyed hundreds of miles to worship, carrying a precious scroll of Isaiah. Yet he is still searching. On the long road home, he reads Isaiah 53—a passage about rejection, suffering, and denied justice. Scripture is not just informing him; it is reaching into the very place where he has lived.

When Philip asks if he understands what he is reading, the eunuch answers honestly:

“How can I, unless someone guides me?” (Acts 8:31).

This is more than a question about Scripture. It is a question about identity: Who is this about, and where do I fit in the story God is telling?

Philip sits beside him. Before there is any explanation, there is presence. Beginning with the passage the eunuch is already reading, Philip tells him about Jesus—the One who experienced rejection, carried shame, and whose suffering made belonging possible.

Then the eunuch asks a question that expresses a lifetime of living with limits:

“What prevents me from being baptized?” (Acts 8:36).

This is the question of someone who has come close, but never fully crossed the threshold. Someone who has learned to wonder, again and again, where the boundary still lies. Is there something about me that keeps me on the outside?

Philip does not pause. He baptizes him right there on the roadside. When they rise from the water, the eunuch goes on his way rejoicing (Acts 8:39). His joy is deeper than the moment—it is the joy of truth finally settling into his soul.

What God has done goes beyond belief alone. It transforms how he sees himself, his place in the world, and the way he moves forward. The old questions lose their grip. His identity is no longer marked by exclusion, but by belonging in Christ.

That assurance brings joy—a joy that begins to shape his thoughts, his life, and every step he takes from that road onward.

Many of us carry a similar question, even if we never speak it aloud. It surfaces quietly—in church, in relationships, in prayer, and in the thoughts we try to avoid.

Is there something about me that still disqualifies me?
Do I truly belong, or am I only close?

Acts 8 answers that question with clarity. God’s Word speaks to him, just as it speaks to us. When we receive its truth, it reshapes how we see God—and how we see ourselves in Him.

In Christ, no barrier remains. Belonging is not earned; it is received.

And in Him, it is complete.

Subscribe now

Identity, Belief, and the Brain God Designed

Let’s look at what’s really happening in the brain when it comes to identity. Picture your mind as a landscape crisscrossed with trails. Each trail is a thought about who you are, what you deserve, or whether you belong. The more often you walk a certain path, the clearer and easier it becomes.

Just as hiking trails are worn smooth by repeated footsteps, our sense of self is shaped by the stories we tell ourselves. Hearing again and again that you are loved, or not enough, or out of place, makes those mental paths more familiar. What we experience and rehearse shapes the roads our thoughts travel, guiding how we see ourselves and whether we believe good news could be for us.

Neuroscience helps explain why these stories can feel so powerful—and so hard to change.

Your brain is plastic, meaning it is constantly changing in response to experience. This ability is called neuroplasticity. Simply put, the brain is formed by what it repeatedly takes in. Thoughts that are activated often become stronger and easier to access, while thoughts that are not used weaken over time.

This is where repeated thoughts matter.

Neuroscience describes this process through Hebb’s Law, often summarized as "neurons that fire together wire together." When a thought is repeated—I don’t belong, I’m not enough, I’m always on the outside—the same neural pathways are activated again and again. Over time, those pathways become well-worn, automatic, and familiar. The thought starts to feel true, not because it is true, but because it is practiced.

Research even shows that familiarity itself can be mistaken for truth. This is known as the illusory truth effect—the tendency to believe something simply because we’ve heard it repeatedly. In other words, what we rehearse mentally begins to shape what we believe emotionally.

This is also why inner conflict can feel so unsettling.

When someone holds two opposing beliefs at the same time—God accepts me, and something about me still disqualifies me—the brain experiences tension. Psychology calls this cognitive dissonance. It is not just in your mind; you might also feel it in your body: a knot in your stomach, a headache, a tight chest, or your heart beating faster. These uneasy sensations signal a deeper struggle within, indicating that our reactions are embodied rather than merely intellectual (Ploger et al., 2021, pp. 202-212). To reduce that discomfort, the mind often returns to the belief it knows best. Familiar feels safer than unfamiliar, even when the familiar story is painful or false.

All of this sheds light on the eunuch’s question.

When he asks, “What prevents me from being baptized?” he is not doubting God’s power. He is wrestling with an old story of exclusion. His hesitation is not weak faith—it is the brain resisting a new truth that has not yet become familiar.

And then, something powerful unfolds.

On that desert road, Scripture, relationship, and lived experience converge. God does not simply give the eunuch new information—He gives him a new way to see himself. The old belief—I am excluded—is replaced by a lived truth. Belonging is named. The inner conflict dissolves. Joy follows.

This is what Scripture calls the renewal of the mind.

God invites us to bring our thoughts to Him—to examine them, submit them, and allow truth to reshape what we believe (2 Corinthians 10:5). Over time, what we repeatedly focus on becomes familiar. What becomes familiar begins to feel safe. And what feels safe begins to shape how we live.

“Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind” (Romans 12:2).

Neuroscience shows us how change happens in the brain. Scripture tells us Who brings the change. Our identity is given in Christ (2 Corinthians 5:17), and transformation is carried out by the Holy Spirit (2 Corinthians 3:18).

God designed our brains to be shaped by truth.
And through Christ, He makes all things new (Revelation 21:5).

Like the eunuch on the desert road, we are not trapped in old patterns or false beliefs. What once shaped us does not have the final say. Grace does.

The Work of the Holy Spirit in Sanctification

One of the primary reasons the Holy Spirit dwells within those who are in Christ is sanctification—the ongoing work of forming us into the likeness of Jesus. Holiness is not something we produce solely through discipline or effort. Scripture makes it clear that sanctification is the work of the Holy Spirit, not a self-improvement project. For example, consider a believer who catches the old thought, “I am unwanted,” pause for a moment, and quietly answer it with truth: “I have loved you with an everlasting love” (Jeremiah 31:3). This small act—a single thought interrupted and realigned by Scripture—is sanctification in motion, as the Spirit gently reforms how we see ourselves.

God calls us to be holy because He is holy (1 Peter 1:16), yet He never intended us to pursue holiness in our own strength. The Bible consistently teaches that believers are set apart by the sanctifying work of the Holy Spirit (1 Peter 1:2) and that transformation unfolds as we walk in faith and truth (2 Thessalonians 2:13). While we are called to choose obedience, Scripture reminds us that it is by the Holy Spirit that we are able to put sin to death and live transformed lives (Romans 8:13).

Sanctification, then, is not instant or mechanical. It is a Spirit-empowered, ongoing work—one that requires surrender, dependence, and trust. God has not left us alone in the struggle. He dwells within us to do the work we cannot do on our own.

This is one of the reasons that the story of the Ethiopian eunuch matters—not only as a moment of conversion, but as a picture of how God, through His Spirit, renews the mind, restores belonging, and begins the deeper work of identity transformation.

Renewing the Mind: Identity Practiced in Truth

Renewing the mind is not just a theory. It happens in the real, ordinary moments, as we return to truth again and again.

Scripture calls us to take thoughts captive (2 Corinthians 10:5), not by suppressing them, but by submitting them to truth. Jesus Himself modeled this when lies were spoken to Him in the wilderness, and He answered with Scripture (Matthew 4:1–11). Truth spoken interrupts false belief.

Neuroscience does not replace Scripture, nor does it validate it. God’s Word stands on its own. What neuroscience offers is language for how God designed the brain to respond when truth is believed, repeated, and lived.

“Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind” (Romans 12:2).

The gospel does not ask you to construct a new identity from effort. You are given one in Christ (2 Corinthians 5:17). The Holy Spirit brings the transformation (2 Corinthians 3:18). Our role is to return—again and again—to the truth until it becomes familiar enough to feel safe.

Practicing Renewal: Partnering With the Holy Spirit

So what does this actually look like in everyday life?

Renewal of the mind doesn’t start with fixing yourself. It starts with paying attention. Most of us already know what we believe—we just haven’t slowed down long enough to notice how often certain thoughts show up or how much influence they carry. Here is a simple process that can help: notice the thought, write it down as it actually sounds, compare it to what God says, and answer it with truth. By outlining these steps before we look at them more closely, I hope you can follow and apply the process with confidence.

A helpful place to begin is with the thoughts that repeat. These are usually the ones that form how we see ourselves.

Step one: Notice the thought.
Write it down the way it really sounds in your head—not the version you’d say out loud.

For example:

• Things will never get better for me.

• I’m not enough.

• I don’t really belong.

You are not inventing problems by writing these down. You are simply becoming aware of what has quietly been steering you.

Step two: Ask whether the thought deserves your agreement.
Not whether it feels convincing—but whether it lines up with God’s Word.

Scripture tells us to think on what is true (Philippians 4:8). That means some thoughts may be familiar without being faithful or true.

Ask yourself gently:

• Would God say this about me?

• Does this reflect His character or His promises?

Some thoughts do not need to be analyzed—they just need to be answered.

Step three: Respond with truth (reminder- God’s Word is truth).

When a thought does not align with that truth, we respond as Jesus did (Luke 4:1-13): by speaking Scripture and allowing God’s Word to correct what is false.

You do not argue with the thought or shame yourself for having it.
You answer it with what God has already spoken.

So when the mind says:
“Things will never get better for me,”
truth answers:
“I know that God works all things together for good for those who love Him” (Romans 8:28).

When the mind says:
“I am not enough,”
Scripture answers:
“My grace is sufficient for you, for My power is made perfect in weakness” (2 Corinthians 12:9).

When the mind says:
“I am unwanted,”
truth answers:
“I have loved you with an everlasting love” (Jeremiah 31:3).

When the mind says:
“My past defines me,”
Scripture answers:
“If anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation” (2 Corinthians 5:17).

This is not about ignoring pain or pretending things are easier than they are. It is about noticing which voice we listen to—and choosing which one we trust.

The gospel doesn’t ask you to create a new identity by trying harder. In Christ, your identity is already given (2 Corinthians 5:17).

And the work of real change doesn’t fall on your shoulders alone. God’s Spirit is the One who brings transformation, working patiently and faithfully over time (2 Corinthians 3:18).

What we are invited to do is simpler than we imagine: we keep coming back.
Back to God’s Word.
Back to prayer.
Back to what is true.

As you do, the old thoughts may not vanish overnight, but they begin to lose their weight. God’s story grows more familiar than the one shaped by pain.

And like the eunuch on the desert road, you may find that the very place you thought disqualified you becomes the place where grace meets you most clearly.

The Closing Prayer

Lord Jesus,
Thank You for meeting us right where we are, just as You met the eunuch on the desert road. You see our questions, our stories, and our longing to belong.

Thank You for creating us fearfully and wonderfully, with purpose and care. We are not accidents, not overlooked, and not disqualified. You know us fully.

Help us bring every thought to You. Where fear, shame, or old labels have taken root, replace them with truth. Remind us who we are in You.

Lord, we choose to believe what You say about us—that we are loved, wanted, and deeply cherished, that we are Your sons and daughters, and that we belong with You.

Renew our minds through Your Word and by the work of Your Holy Spirit, and continue the good work You have begun in us.

In Jesus’ name,
Amen.

Love and prayers,

Dr. April Joy

Philippians 1:6

This newsletter is for educational and faith-based reflection only. It is not medical advice, psychotherapy, or a substitute for professional mental health care, and it does not establish a patient-provider relationship. Consult your provider before starting any new treatments or making changes to your health routine.

If you are experiencing thoughts of harming yourself or others, or are in emotional distress, please seek immediate help by contacting 911, local emergency services, calling or texting 988 in the United States, or going to your nearest hospital.

References

Biblical Commentary:
Keener, C. S. Acts: An Exegetical Commentary. Baker Academic.

Neuroscience & Psychology:
Markus (1977); Hebb (1949); Festinger (1957); Doidge (2007); Fazio et al. (2019).

Why the nervous system settles in the presence of God

Hello friends,

Have you ever noticed yourself starting to come undone, but felt powerless to stop it?
Your body responds before your mind has a chance to step in.

Maybe your voice gets sharper, you pull away, you snap at someone, or you just go silent.

And almost right away, you feel ashamed.

David knew this place.

He didn’t hide his inner turmoil. He wrote right from the middle of it. Fear, anger, grief, and distress all came out honestly before God. What’s striking in the Psalms isn’t David’s emotional ups and downs, but how he responded. Similarly, the prophet Jeremiah, often called the weeping prophet, poured out his soul in lamentations, showing that emotional honesty before God is a recurring theme in scripture. In Psalm 73, Asaph openly questioned the prosperity of the wicked before finding peace in God’s sanctuary. These figures modeled a path of returning to God with their raw human emotions.

They turned their attention towards God.

Again and again, David returned to God.

“My soul clings to You.” Psalm 63:8

“Why are you cast down O my soul?” Psalm 42:5

“In Your presence is fullness of joy.” Psalm 16:11

David didn’t see emotional struggle as a spiritual failure. He perceived it as a sign, a signal to come closer to God.

Many of us learned that being spiritually mature means calming ourselves down, getting it together, and finding peace on our own. It’s as if growing means we shouldn’t need anyone, and being holy means having perfect self-control.

But the Psalms and neuroscience both show us something different.

David seemed to know, long before science confirmed it, that our nervous systems settle down when we’re close to someone safe. The vagus nerve, a key part of our body’s communication system (it helps slow the heart, deepen breathing, and shift the body out of fight-or-flight), signals safety when we sense warmth and closeness. It’s like being a child soothed by the presence of a caring parent. Regulation doesn’t start with control; it starts with feeling safe. Safety isn’t just a thought; it’s a calming sensation in our bodies, similar to the soft rhythm of a soothing tune, calming a restless mind.

From the very beginning of life, we learn to settle in the presence of another. Babies cannot reason themselves out of distress. They do not calm because they understand what is happening. Their breathing slows, their heart rate steadies, and their stress response softens when a safe, caring adult is near. Calm comes through closeness, not effort, and this pattern does not disappear as we grow.

Neuroscience helps us understand why this happens. When we feel safe, cared for, and connected to someone else, the body often releases natural chemical messengers that support calm, bonding, and motivation. Oxytocin is linked with feelings of trust and attachment. Serotonin plays a role in emotional steadiness and a sense of well-being. Dopamine helps the brain recognize what feels meaningful and worth returning to. These systems are influenced by relationship. They tend to respond to warmth, safety, and presence rather than pressure or effort.

This is why closeness regulates us. Not because we are weak, but because we were designed to be shaped in relationship. What begins in infancy continues throughout life. We do not outgrow the need for safe presence. We simply learn to name it differently.

Scripture tells us that we were made in the image of God, created for relationship with Him and with one another. From the beginning, human beings were designed for connection, not isolation. Neuroscience helps us see how deeply this design is woven into us. When we experience closeness, safety, and loving presence, the body often responds by settling. This is why nearness regulates us. Not because we are weak, but because we were designed to be shaped in relationship. What begins in infancy continues throughout life. We do not outgrow the need for safe presence. We simply learn to name it differently.

Adults regulate the same way.

Just being close to someone who is calm and trustworthy helps lower our stress. Our bodies sense safety before our minds even notice. As you read this, pause for a moment: notice your breath and any tension in your shoulders or jaw. We breathe more slowly, our muscles relax, and our brain’s alarm quiets down. This isn’t a weakness; it’s how we’re made.

David lived this reality with God.

“You make known to me the path of life;
in Your presence, there is fullness of joy.”
Psalm 16:11

For David, joy came not from holding it all together or mastering his emotions, but from being in God’s presence.

When David felt overwhelmed, he didn’t try to force himself to be calm. Instead, he described his soul as learning to quiet down and find rest with God.

“But I have calmed and quieted my soul.”
Psalm 131:2

Deep inside the brain is the amygdala, which acts like an alarm and reacts fast when we feel threatened or overwhelmed. When it senses danger, whether real or not, it gets the body ready before we can think it through. David didn’t feel ashamed of this response. He met it by drawing close to God.

He recognized his need for God’s presence and that only God could fill the void in his life.

“The Lord is near to the brokenhearted
and saves the crushed in spirit.”
Psalm 34:18

“When I am afraid, I put my trust in You.”
Psalm 56:3

These aren’t instructions to act better. They’re reminders that God is near.

Neuroscience shows that feeling safe again and again helps quiet the brain’s alarm and brings back our ability to think clearly and manage emotions. David didn’t calm down first and then pray. He prayed so he could find calm.

This is where faith becomes something we feel in our bodies.

Not because you worked harder, but because you came back to the source of comfort (God).

“My soul clings to You;
Your right hand upholds me.”
Psalm 63:8

Healing doesn’t start with mastering yourself. It starts with leaning on God.

Staying close to God isn’t passive.
It’s choosing closeness over trying to perform.
It’s choosing presence instead of pressure.
It’s choosing connection instead of shame.

And in that space, both your soul and your body remember how to rest.

A Practice to Try This Week

A Psalm-Based Cope-Ahead Plan

A cope-ahead plan helps you get ready for moments you know will unsettle you. Instead of waiting until you’re overwhelmed, you decide ahead of time where you’ll turn for support. Imagine the scenario of workplace stress: You have a big presentation coming up, and you know from past experiences that these situations often leave you feeling anxious. By preparing a cope-ahead plan, you identify this as a challenging moment and decide how you’ll handle the pressure. You may choose a quiet space to retreat to beforehand or plan a moment to listen to calming music while repeating a Psalm to yourself to draw near to find peace.

Consider also the daily commute, often a source of tension with its traffic and time pressures. Deciding in advance to listen to an uplifting podcast or recite a favorite verse may convert this stressful time into a moment of calm.

Similarly, think about parenting moments, like handling a child’s tantrum or sibling disputes, which can be stressful. Having a Psalm ready as an anchor can remind you to draw strength and patience from God’s presence in these times.

This is not about controlling emotion.
It’s about choosing to draw near.

Step 1: Name the moment
Identify a situation that often unsettles you.

Step 2: Name the usual response
What do you notice in your body or how you act?

Step 3: Choose a Psalm
Pick one verse you can come back to.

Examples:
“The Lord is near to the brokenhearted.” Psalm 34:18
“My soul clings to You.” Psalm 63:8
“In Your presence is fullness of joy.” Psalm 16:11

Write it down just as it is.

Step 4: Script your return
You might pray:

“Lord, You are near.
My soul is not alone.
I do not have to fix this right now.
I cling to You.”

Say it slowly, taking deep breaths as you do.

Step 5: Let the body catch up
Relax your shoulders. Breathe slowly. Stay aware of God’s presence for 30 to 60 seconds.

Regulation follows nearness.

Closing Prayer

Dear Heavenly Father, Thank You for being near, always near. Thank You that You do not wait for us to calm ourselves before You draw close. Thank You for being a refuge to the brokenhearted and a steady presence when our souls feel overwhelmed. Teach us to return to You instead of striving, to cling to You instead of performing, and to rest in the safety of Your presence. We place our fears, our anxious thoughts, and our unsteady moments into Your hands, trusting that You are with us and that You uphold us.

In Jesus’ name,
Amen.

Love and prayers,

Dr. April Joy

Philippians 1:6

This newsletter is for educational and faith-based reflection only. It is not medical advice, psychotherapy, or a substitute for professional mental health care, and it does not establish a patient-provider relationship. Consult your provider before starting any new treatments or making changes to your health routine.

If you are experiencing thoughts of harming yourself or others, or are in emotional distress, please seek immediate help by contacting 911, local emergency services, calling or texting 988 in the United States, or going to your nearest hospital.

References:

Coan, J. A., Schaefer, H. S., & Davidson, R. J. (2006). Lending a hand: Social regulation of the neural response to threat. Psychological Science, 17(12), 1032–1039.

Feldman, R. (2017). The neurobiology of human attachments. Trends in Cognitive Sciences, 21(2), 80–99.

Porges, S. W. (2011). The polyvagal theory: Neurophysiological foundations of emotions, attachment, communication, and self-regulation. New York, NY: Norton.

Granqvist, P., & Kirkpatrick, L. A. (2013). Religion, spirituality, and attachment. In Handbook of the psychology of religion and spirituality (2nd ed.). New York, NY: Guilford Press.

Schjoedt, U., Stodkilde-Jorgensen, H., Geertz, A. W., & Roepstorff, A. (2008). Rewarding prayers: Activation of the ventral striatum during religious prayer. Social Cognitive and Affective Neuroscience, 3(2), 199–207.

Today I want to share some thoughts about our big, beautiful brain and the power of self-talk. I am often struck by how God designed us not only to endure hardship but to heal in the middle of it. Scripture has

always pointed to this truth, and neuroscience is now beginning to confirm what God has known all along.

Let’s get into it.

A few years ago, I dropped a cup in my kitchen. It shattered on the floor. My first instinct was to keep my son and my dog from running into the room. In the process, I stepped directly onto a piece of glass.

At the time, I had no idea that moment would turn into a long and exhausting season.

I needed surgery to remove the glass from my foot. At first, I was not overly concerned. Even though my foot had to be cut open and I could not bear weight for nearly two months, I assumed it would heal, and life would return to normal.

At a follow-up appointment a few months later, it became clear that the glass was still there.

I would need another surgery.

I cried a lot that day. The surgeon explained that glass is very difficult to remove, and there was no guarantee they would be able to get it all out. I was in constant pain. I could not bear weight fully on my foot due to the pain of the glass fragments that were left in my foot. Because it was my right foot, I could not drive. I was facing more time off of work, more uncertainty, and more waiting.

That season was deeply challenging.

During that time, I leaned heavily on something I had learned long before this injury. Self-talk.

What Neuroscience Helps Us Understand

Neuroscience helps explain why self-talk matters so much. Scripture modeled intentional inner dialogue long before neuroscience named it. Modern research now confirms that repeated, truth-based self-talk shapes emotional regulation and neural pathways.

When we encounter a threat or uncertainty, the amygdala, the brain’s alarm system, becomes highly active. This drives fear-based thinking and keeps the nervous system on high alert. At the same time, activity in the prefrontal cortex, which supports reasoning, perspective-taking, and emotional regulation, can decrease.

This is why hard seasons can feel overwhelming. The brain is doing exactly what it was designed to do. Protect us.

When we intentionally practice truth-based self-talk, we help reengage the prefrontal cortex (calm, perspective), allowing the nervous system to settle and the mind to find its footing again. Over time, through neuroplasticity, the brain’s ability to change with repeated experience, new pathways form that make regulation, clarity, and hope easier to access.

The default mode network, the system involved in rumination and self-focused thought, is also shaped by repetition. What we tell ourselves repeatedly becomes the background story our brain returns to.

Because the brain responds to repetition and familiarity, it can begin to believe what it is repeatedly told, even when it is not true, making it essential that we anchor our self-talk in the truth found in God’s Word.

This is why Scripture’s invitation to renew the mind is so powerful (Romans 12:2). God designed the brain to be shaped by what it repeatedly takes in. Scripture reminds us that truth must be repeated and remembered, not just heard once, which is why God calls us to hide His Word in our hearts (Psalm 119:11) and meditate on it continually (Joshua 1:8; Psalm 1:2).

Science is simply confirming what God already knew. God’s Word was given to help us, not to weigh us down.

How Self-Talk Helped Me Get Through

Of course, I prayed and stayed in Scripture. But I was also very intentional about what I said to myself.

I reminded myself daily that God was for me (Romans 8:31).
That God was with me (Isaiah 41:10).
That He would work all things together for my good (Romans 8:28).
That His grace was sufficient for that season (2 Corinthians 12:9).

This was not pretending everything was fine. I was not ignoring the pain or minimizing how hard it was. I was choosing where my mind would go when fear and discouragement showed up.

As a psychiatric nurse practitioner, I have seen the power of self-talk again and again. I teach this often. When we are under stress, the brain looks for safety, meaning, and certainty. If it does not find truth to return to, fear fills the space.

This experience required me to practice what I teach.

Sometimes my self-talk sounded like Scripture.
Sometimes it was remembering other difficult seasons I had already survived (Psalm 77:11).
Other times, it was simply reminding myself that I did not have to solve everything that day (Matthew 6:34).

Scripture and Choosing What the Mind Returns To

Scripture has always modeled intentional inner dialogue.

David gives us some of the clearest examples of this. In the Psalms, he does not hide his despair, fear, or discouragement. He names them honestly. But he does not let them lead.

“Why are you cast down, O my soul, and why are you in turmoil within me? Hope in God” (Psalm 42:5).

David speaks directly to his own soul. He questions it, then redirects it. His circumstances had not changed, but the direction of his thoughts did. Again and again, David chooses to remind himself of who God is and what is true.

“Bless the Lord, O my soul, and forget not all his benefits” (Psalm 103:2).

This is not denial. It is intentional remembrance. David shows us that faith often looks like guiding the inner conversation before relief arrives.

Jeremiah lived through prolonged grief and devastation. The book of Lamentations does not rush pain. It gives it language. Yet in the middle of sorrow, Jeremiah makes a conscious decision.

“This I recall to my mind, therefore have I hope” (Lamentations 3:21).

Hope did not come because circumstances changed. It came because he chose what his mind would return to.

Habakkuk does something similar. He looks honestly at a future that feels unstable. Crops are failing. Nothing feels secure. And yet he says,

“Yet I will rejoice in the Lord. I will joy in the God of my salvation” (Habakkuk 3:18).

Those words, I will, matter. This is not denial. It is truth that is spoken before relief arrives.

Jesus models this same pattern. When He is tempted in the wilderness, hungry and vulnerable, He responds with Scripture already stored in His heart (Matthew 4:4–10).

Paul later reminds believers that not every thought deserves authority.

“Take every thought captive” (2 Corinthians 10:5).
“Whatever is true, think on these things” (Philippians 4:8).

Scripture does not tell us to ignore our thoughts. It teaches us to guide them.

Biblical Self Talk We Can Practice

This is not positive thinking that ignores reality.
This is truth-anchored (in the Bible) self-talk.

For example, we can use self-talk to help us during certain times of our lives.

When facing pain or uncertainty:

God is for me (Romans 8:31).
God is with me (Isaiah 41:10).
He will work this for my good (Romans 8:28).
His grace is sufficient for today (2 Corinthians 12:9).

When feeling overwhelmed:

I do not have to solve everything right now (Matthew 6:34).
The Lord is near (Philippians 4:5).
I am not alone in this (Deuteronomy 31:8).

When feeling discouraged:

I have made it through hard things before (Psalm 77:11).
Others have endured, and so can I (Hebrews 12:1).
This moment is not the end of the story (Romans 8:18).

Memorizing Scripture

If you don’t know many Scriptures or you want to start learning them, you’re not behind and you’re not doing it wrong. Memorizing God’s Word is something we grow into over time. Here are a few simple ways to begin.

1. Start with one verse:

You don’t need to memorize a chapter. Pick one verse that speaks to what you’re walking through right now.

2. Write it out by hand:

Writing a verse once or twice a day helps it settle into your mind more naturally.

3. Put it where you’ll see it:

Write verses on sticky notes and place them on mirrors, in your car, or near your bed so they meet you in everyday moments.

4. Say it out loud throughout the day:

Repeat the verse while driving, cooking, or waiting. Quiet repetition adds up.

5. Pray the verse back to God:

When Scripture becomes prayer, it becomes personal and easier to remember.

Be patient with yourself. God is not impressed by how much you know, but He delights when His Word finds a place in your heart.

A Closing Prayer

Lord, thank You for designing our minds with such care.
When our thoughts begin to spiral, gently guide us back to what is true.
Help us remember Your faithfulness and the strength You have already given us.
Renew our minds day by day and meet us right where we are.
In Jesus’ name, Amen.

Love and prayers,

Dr. April Joy

Philippians 1:6

Selected References

Kross, E., et al. (2014). Self-talk as a regulatory mechanism: How you do it matters. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 106(2), 304–324. https://doi.org/10.1037/a0035173

Doidge, N. (2007). The brain that changes itself. Viking.

Beck, J. S. (2011). Cognitive behavior therapy: Basics and beyond (2nd ed.). Guilford Press.

Brinthaupt, T. M., Hein, M. B., & Kramer, T. E. (2015). The self-talk scale: Development and validation. Journal of Personality Assessment, 97(1), 82–92. https://doi.org/10.1080/00223891.2014.902543

Buckner, R. L., Andrews-Hanna, J. R., & Schacter, D. L. (2008). The brain’s default network. Annals of the New York Academy of Sciences, 1124(1), 1–38. https://doi.org/10.1196/annals.1440.011

Professional Disclaimer

This newsletter is for educational and faith-based reflection only. It is not medical advice, psychotherapy, or a substitute for professional mental health care, and it does not establish a patient-provider relationship.

If you are experiencing thoughts of harming yourself or others, or are in emotional distress, please seek immediate help by contacting 911, local emergency services, calling or texting 988 in the United States, or going to your nearest hospital.

You are not stuck

I’m Dr. April Joy, and I’m glad you’re here. I work as a psychiatric-mental health nurse practitioner and hold a doctorate in Nursing. I’ve trained in psychoanalysis and continue to learn about neuroscience. I also enjoy studying theology. Most importantly, I love God and His Word. There was a time in my life when I felt weighed down by depression and found it hard to connect my faith with my mental health. Through prayer, support, and learning about how God made our minds, I found peace and renewal. I hope to walk alongside you as we honestly explore how the Bible and mental health intersect, seeking real change.

Many of us know what it feels like to be stuck, whether it’s anxiety, depression, or tough thought patterns. In those moments, it can seem like nothing will get better or that this is just how things are. But I believe Scripture and science tell a different story.

When Scripture says “be transformed,” it’s talking about real change, not just saying something nice. God cares about your mind and wants to renew it. Long before science talked about neuroplasticity, God was already showing us that our minds can change and our stories aren’t finished.

Neuroplasticity means your brain, made by God, can change how it works based on your repeated thoughts, beliefs, and experiences. What you focus on shapes your brain. If fear or hopelessness fills your mind, your brain will actually get better at those feelings. The amygdala, a small part of your brain, helps you sense danger and triggers fear. When it’s too active, everything can feel unsafe, and the future can seem dark.

But God also made your brain able to learn safety, truth, and peace. When you practice new ways of thinking, especially those based on God’s truth, the parts of your brain that help you reflect and make wise choices grow stronger. Science now supports what Scripture has always taught: real renewal is possible, real change can happen, and you don’t have to stay stuck in old patterns.

This Substack newsletter isn’t medical advice or therapy. It’s a place for learning, reflecting, and growing, all with faith at the center. I’ll share thoughts from Scripture, neuroscience, and my upcoming book to help you explore what it means to renew your mind and live in the freedom God wants for you. If you ever feel overwhelmed or think you need more support, please reach out to a mental health professional or healthcare provider. Asking for help is a strong and brave step toward recovery. You might also consider Christian counseling organizations or church-based support groups for faith-based guidance and community. You can start by asking your pastor for recommendations or looking at denominational websites, which often list counselors and support groups. These resources can offer a caring, safe place to help you on your path to wellness.

What to Expect Here

Here, we’ll look at the Bible and mental health together with curiosity, compassion, and respect for how God made us. You can expect thoughtful reflections on Scripture, especially verses about the mind, emotions, suffering, and renewal. We’ll talk about anxiety, depression, trauma, hope, and other mental health topics from both a biblical and neuroscience point of view.

I enjoy sharing how the brain works, how God made it to change and heal, and why some thoughts can feel so strong. We’ll talk about how fear and worry take hold, and how truth, gentle practice, and God’s presence can help us build new habits of peace. I hope you’ll see how Scripture has been guiding us all along, even before science had words for it. To help you use these ideas in your life, I suggest a simple daily habit: each day, write down a verse from Scripture or list three things you’re grateful for. This small, faith-based practice can help focus your mind on God’s truth and grow a spirit of thankfulness and renewal.

Most of all, I hope this space helps you look to God, our true source of healing, wisdom, and hope.

A Breath Prayer for Faith and Restoration

When your mind feels heavy, your body often shifts into survival mode before you even realize it. God made the nervous system to respond to slow, intentional breathing, which helps calm the brain’s alarm center, the amygdala, and lets your body relax. One gentle practice that can help is called box breathing, paired with prayer.

Box breathing is a gentle practice you can use anytime. Breathe in for four seconds, hold for four, breathe out for four, then pause for four. This steady rhythm helps your brain feel safe and gives you a moment to remember that God is with you. When you add Scripture, it becomes a simple way to join in the renewing of your mind described in Romans 12:2.

You can use this breath prayer based on Romans 15:13:

Breathe in for four seconds: May the God of hope

Hold for four seconds:

Breathe out for four seconds: fill me with hope

Go slowly and repeat for a few rounds, letting each breath remind you that God is present. This isn’t about emptying your mind or forcing anything. It’s simply a way to connect your body and thoughts to what is true about who God is. Over time, gentle practices like this can help your brain learn safety and hope, just as Scripture has taught.

Romans 15:13 reminds us,

“May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace in believing, so that by the power of the Holy Spirit you may abound in hope.”

A Prayer for Growing Closer to God Each Day

Dear Heavenly Father,

Thank You for being near to us in every season. Thank You that You see our struggles and care deeply about our hearts and minds. I pray for each person reading this that You would draw them closer to You day by day. Renew their thoughts with Your truth and quiet the voices of fear, discouragement, and hopelessness.

Teach them to rest in You. Help them to trust You with their minds, their emotions, and their future. Give them a growing desire to seek You daily, to delight in Your Word, and to walk in the transformation You promise. Be their hope when they feel weary and their peace when they feel overwhelmed.

We place our hearts and minds in Your hands. In Jesus’s Name, Amen.

Love and prayers,

Dr. April Joy

Philippians 1:6

* Please remember, this Substack newsletter isn’t medical advice or therapy. If you’re in crisis or having thoughts of harming yourself or someone else, contact help right away by calling 911 or going to the nearest hospital. This is a no-reply email address, and messages sent here will not be received or answered. We are unable to address individual mental health concerns, personal counseling requests, or provide emergency support through this platform. For personal medical advice or assistance, please reach out to a qualified mental health professional.